WINTER EDITION 2011
Australian Sport Attracts Youth to Religion
Hayden Crossley
Like the meat pie, clothes hoist and thongs, sport has played an integral role in shaping Aussie identity. Can its influence end our secularism?
Throughout Australian history, it has been a great panacea. By nurturing our darkest hour of abandonment, despair and helplessness, it has created comradery building competitiveness. If we look back on our history we will remember its presence: boxing and dog fighting matches during colonisation; rugby, during World War 1 and football during World War 2 – ‘the first assault on Libyia (was)…signal(ed by) a football being kicked into no mans land’ (Wikipedia), and; the unforgettable horse racing and cricket games during the great depression that produced icons Pharlap and Don Bradman. Clearly, sport has consoled us for decades.
And now, for Llewellyn Berchy and the other leaders at a Catholic youth group in Deer Park, sport is being utilised as a bridge to Christianity.
I watched from my chair as Berchy interacted in the left corner of the church hall with a group of adolescence. The musky smell of funky teenagers and worn timber floor along with the loud car noises from the main road that the hall is situated on, added to the atmosphere. One girl was wearing ‘boyfriend’ jeans and a ‘Justin Beiber’ T-shirt. Another was wearing hipsters and a new season ‘Supre’ singlet top. Buzz words like ‘dang’ and ‘awesome’ were being exchanged as the youth engaged in a Bible modified version of charades. Berchy caught my attention and raised his hand to indicate that he will be five minutes more. I watched the other groups in the remaining corners of the hall playing Bible Trivia, Bible Heads and Bible Pictionary. Like a school fete, the hall echoed intensity and excitement. Berchy began to walk toward me. A mild and gentle mid 20 year old man with a confident voice – Indian, I think. He talked me through his role as youth group leader – he is one of ten aged between 18 and 30. They volunteer for four hours a week – three to run the youth group program and I hour for planning. Sport is taught by all of the leaders, as they recognise its benefits. Unlike the board games played, it needs no modification to elicit a positive reaction and to teach wholesome values. ‘It (sport) teaches them (the youth) how to work as a team and it breaks down prejudice’ said Berchy. As a cricket player himself, he recognises the physical, emotional and psychological benefits that sport can have on a life. For this reason, he is keen to use the activity to promote wellbeing to the kids. ‘We play basketball, Jacobs Ladder and soccer – a universal game that everyone enjoys. Even if they don’t enjoy it, they learn to enjoy it,’ he said. Despite the youth’s age range of 12 to 18 years, Berchy finds no difficulty in balancing the team by mixing genders, age and keeping it basic. ‘It (sport) is important… It promotes appreciation of each other – respect, trust – and it breaks insecurities,’ said Berchy.
So how then does an often rough and tumble activity life sport transform into a bridge to God? ‘I can say just from a starting point in youth group, sport brings them (the youth) to youth group. By being here they are learning about God…and praying as a community,’ he said. Let us consider North Melbourne footballer Daniel Wells, who has publicly talked about his faith and journey. ‘It inspired a lot of the kids to learn about their faith,’ explained Berchy. Also, ‘Matthew Hayden, who makes the sign of the cross when he hits a century – most boys here play cricket and they always do the sign of the cross,’ he said. This raises the question, 'Could sport and Christianity have some things in common?' Both are judged by their reputation. Both have layers of value that are not obvious at first glance. And, they are both good for the soul. Perhaps it’s time we take a leaf out of these young people’s book and raise the white flag to the Holy Spirit by allowing our love for sport to be the Aussie vehicle to spirituality.
Always the heroine, it arrives when we are vulnerable, clutching for hope. At this time in society when work is dominating our life, when material things are becoming more and more important and our families are suffering from a lack of quality time together, we need faith to repair the family unit. If history is an indication, at any moment sport will barge into our dilemma, packed and ready with its vivacious demeanor and its ability to elicit emotion to restore our aimless souls by leading our children to God. For these young people, it already has.
Throughout Australian history, it has been a great panacea. By nurturing our darkest hour of abandonment, despair and helplessness, it has created comradery building competitiveness. If we look back on our history we will remember its presence: boxing and dog fighting matches during colonisation; rugby, during World War 1 and football during World War 2 – ‘the first assault on Libyia (was)…signal(ed by) a football being kicked into no mans land’ (Wikipedia), and; the unforgettable horse racing and cricket games during the great depression that produced icons Pharlap and Don Bradman. Clearly, sport has consoled us for decades.
And now, for Llewellyn Berchy and the other leaders at a Catholic youth group in Deer Park, sport is being utilised as a bridge to Christianity.
I watched from my chair as Berchy interacted in the left corner of the church hall with a group of adolescence. The musky smell of funky teenagers and worn timber floor along with the loud car noises from the main road that the hall is situated on, added to the atmosphere. One girl was wearing ‘boyfriend’ jeans and a ‘Justin Beiber’ T-shirt. Another was wearing hipsters and a new season ‘Supre’ singlet top. Buzz words like ‘dang’ and ‘awesome’ were being exchanged as the youth engaged in a Bible modified version of charades. Berchy caught my attention and raised his hand to indicate that he will be five minutes more. I watched the other groups in the remaining corners of the hall playing Bible Trivia, Bible Heads and Bible Pictionary. Like a school fete, the hall echoed intensity and excitement. Berchy began to walk toward me. A mild and gentle mid 20 year old man with a confident voice – Indian, I think. He talked me through his role as youth group leader – he is one of ten aged between 18 and 30. They volunteer for four hours a week – three to run the youth group program and I hour for planning. Sport is taught by all of the leaders, as they recognise its benefits. Unlike the board games played, it needs no modification to elicit a positive reaction and to teach wholesome values. ‘It (sport) teaches them (the youth) how to work as a team and it breaks down prejudice’ said Berchy. As a cricket player himself, he recognises the physical, emotional and psychological benefits that sport can have on a life. For this reason, he is keen to use the activity to promote wellbeing to the kids. ‘We play basketball, Jacobs Ladder and soccer – a universal game that everyone enjoys. Even if they don’t enjoy it, they learn to enjoy it,’ he said. Despite the youth’s age range of 12 to 18 years, Berchy finds no difficulty in balancing the team by mixing genders, age and keeping it basic. ‘It (sport) is important… It promotes appreciation of each other – respect, trust – and it breaks insecurities,’ said Berchy.
So how then does an often rough and tumble activity life sport transform into a bridge to God? ‘I can say just from a starting point in youth group, sport brings them (the youth) to youth group. By being here they are learning about God…and praying as a community,’ he said. Let us consider North Melbourne footballer Daniel Wells, who has publicly talked about his faith and journey. ‘It inspired a lot of the kids to learn about their faith,’ explained Berchy. Also, ‘Matthew Hayden, who makes the sign of the cross when he hits a century – most boys here play cricket and they always do the sign of the cross,’ he said. This raises the question, 'Could sport and Christianity have some things in common?' Both are judged by their reputation. Both have layers of value that are not obvious at first glance. And, they are both good for the soul. Perhaps it’s time we take a leaf out of these young people’s book and raise the white flag to the Holy Spirit by allowing our love for sport to be the Aussie vehicle to spirituality.
Always the heroine, it arrives when we are vulnerable, clutching for hope. At this time in society when work is dominating our life, when material things are becoming more and more important and our families are suffering from a lack of quality time together, we need faith to repair the family unit. If history is an indication, at any moment sport will barge into our dilemma, packed and ready with its vivacious demeanor and its ability to elicit emotion to restore our aimless souls by leading our children to God. For these young people, it already has.
By Eleni Arapoglou
8th June 2011
8th June 2011
Foster Child to Many Now Youth Worker for At Risk Kids
Glenn Broome, Photograph by Luke Mitchell
The Glenn Broome Story – Searching for Volunteers
The saying: “Give me the child until he is seven and I will show you the man”, implies the best opportunity to shape an individual is when they’re young. This became the premise for the UK documentary “7 up”, which followed the lives of group seven year olds. The producers speculated that class structure was so strong it would set their life path. It held up in most cases. Generally, children from elite schools continued in their elite circles, as did children from the working classes.
Had Glenn Broome been interviewed for the series, more than likely most would have predicted the outcome. “I can’t look after him.” This was the painful realisation that bought three day old Glenn to the local police station. It was 1963. An unwed mother with no family support, diagnosed with schizophrenia and certified insane at twelve, didn’t face promising prospects – suiciding days later. With no father on the scene, Glenn was deemed a ward of the state – his life path now determined by the government.
First stop, Allambie. A state run institution for infants to adolescents waiting fosterering. And it seemed Glenn’s luck had turned a corner. His selection within one year was fast by institutional standards. But in what is a common hazard with fostering, within nine months they separated and Glenn was presented to family number two. According to records, it was at this time that the first signs of “anger” began to surface. The first couple spoke German, which Glenn adopted also. But it unwittingly lead to a communication breakdown. “I was incredibly frustrated with my (second) foster parents because no one could understand me. I was speaking German and I couldn’t even ask for water. I was throwing tantrums on the ground,” Glenn says. All of which proved too much. Most parents feel uneasy changing their child’s routine, but at age six Glenn had been through four families. Although his final placement held the fondest memories, it again fell victim to divorce. “Their marriage fell apart and I started to develop a bit of complex. Everywhere I lived they’d separate. So I started wondering whether I was the cause of it,” Glenn recalls. By sixteen he’d been placed in various boarding homes and institutions. Each of them quietly stripping away youthful innocence, compounding his anger and self blame.
Psychologists believe a child facing difficult circumstances can learn to emotionally detach, temporarily “loosing touch” with their surroundings and immerse themselves into a fictional world. For Glenn, adopting a kind of modern day “Huckleberry Finn trait” made escaping institutions an adventure. “I saw other kids’ parents take them away for the weekend, so I felt entitled to take my own leave of absense,” he says. This “little fella” – today he’s still only 5’ 6 1/2” – became a constant absconder, earning the title: “Escape Artist”. But with every escape and capture, a very real and brutal punishment awaited. “You were taken to Parkside, maximum security for youth, and you’d get a belting or flogging with a cane or punching with fists,” Glenn says in a matter a fact manner. The detachment process used to survive childhood may explain his casualness at detailing stories of police bashings, and a ‘career’ placing boys in a head lock, punching them till they’d pass out. Till this day Glenn says there’s no “emotion attached” to these disturbing events. Yet it’s clear they were instrumental in developing a hardened criminal. Within a few short years, Glenn and his friends stood at the top of the institutional ladder, toughened to the point of indifference. “We didn’t care about what people thought…we were recidivists who quite enjoyed what we were doing because we weren’t afraid of the risks.” And proof of that came just before his eighteenth birthday. With four other mates, he commits an armed robbery. But rather than returning to Turana Youth detention centre, he’s moved to notorious Pentridge. A ‘promotion’ based on the view that he was completely institutionalised, without hope of rehabilitation, and in danger of contaminating those who were.
In the land of high fences and security, and even bigger men, little Glenn faced his first night petrified at the sight of an inmate hanging himself, and the sudden realization that he was unprepared for this new reality. “That shattered me…it still haunts me to this day,” Glenn says. “But the biggest culture shock was no one cared anymore. In spite of me being the horrible kid I was, I knew that in Baltara and Turana some people cared. It’s just I was so damaged I couldn’t reach out to them to accept it.” Unable to escape, he found new methods of disguising his insecurities. “You spend a lot of time bridging up. You wake up in the morning and put on this suit of armour and you ‘whack a basketball’ under each arm and make yourself look bigger than you are.”
An act so good it had Pentridge authorities convinced he was unrehabilitable. “I thought I was redeemable in some way but my folder had ‘institutionalised’ stamped on the front of it,” Glenn laughs. Unfortunately, labels tend to stick and gradually Glenn succumbed to his. For the next six years, he would return to prison numerous times, spending 14 months in the Notorious H Division for assaulting a prison officer. One of which, having fled Victorian borders with his pregnant wife and her two young children, landed him in Grafton prison, NSW.
It’s at this time Glenn encountered a Salvo, Steve Nelson, a former Vietnam Vet and now Salvation Army officer who visited Glenn on a regular basis and began to invest quality time into Glenn, who later became his Mentor and Friend. Glenn responded to this knock about approach by Steve and it was the catalyst for lasting change. Glenn and his family remained in Grafton and began the slow process of de-institutionalising or life outside prison; new routines, family life, the frustrations and rewards of paid work, a degree in Social Science, youth work, drug and alcohol and now, quite appropriately, working for Whitelion in the very Turana Building he grew up in. He was in a position to search for his natural father and discovered he has a brother and sister and a host of nephews and nieces that he has regular contact with.
Glenn now works with the very children and young people to whom he grew up with, just generations apart. Whitelion attempts to introduce young people and community volunteers to begin the role model process long before Glenn did. “There is just not enough men who want to take on the volunteering role” says Glenn and would love to give the same opportunity to other young people.
Glenn will go back behind bars as part of the Whitelion Annual Fundraiser Bail Out where he will spend 5 days in a 2 x 2 metre cell in the centre of Federation Square. Glenn’s bail has been set at $50,000. You can help Glenn Bail Out by sponsoring him at www.whitelion.asn.au and follow the prompts.
Had Glenn Broome been part of the “7 up” series, we’d all be thankful his outcome didn’t meet with everyone’s prediction. Glenn is available to speak to community groups and individuals about his work at Whitelion and how men in the community cane make a difference to young people.
If you would like to be involved in helping young people less fortunate than yourself you can contact Glenn on 0417 675 430 or [email protected]
The saying: “Give me the child until he is seven and I will show you the man”, implies the best opportunity to shape an individual is when they’re young. This became the premise for the UK documentary “7 up”, which followed the lives of group seven year olds. The producers speculated that class structure was so strong it would set their life path. It held up in most cases. Generally, children from elite schools continued in their elite circles, as did children from the working classes.
Had Glenn Broome been interviewed for the series, more than likely most would have predicted the outcome. “I can’t look after him.” This was the painful realisation that bought three day old Glenn to the local police station. It was 1963. An unwed mother with no family support, diagnosed with schizophrenia and certified insane at twelve, didn’t face promising prospects – suiciding days later. With no father on the scene, Glenn was deemed a ward of the state – his life path now determined by the government.
First stop, Allambie. A state run institution for infants to adolescents waiting fosterering. And it seemed Glenn’s luck had turned a corner. His selection within one year was fast by institutional standards. But in what is a common hazard with fostering, within nine months they separated and Glenn was presented to family number two. According to records, it was at this time that the first signs of “anger” began to surface. The first couple spoke German, which Glenn adopted also. But it unwittingly lead to a communication breakdown. “I was incredibly frustrated with my (second) foster parents because no one could understand me. I was speaking German and I couldn’t even ask for water. I was throwing tantrums on the ground,” Glenn says. All of which proved too much. Most parents feel uneasy changing their child’s routine, but at age six Glenn had been through four families. Although his final placement held the fondest memories, it again fell victim to divorce. “Their marriage fell apart and I started to develop a bit of complex. Everywhere I lived they’d separate. So I started wondering whether I was the cause of it,” Glenn recalls. By sixteen he’d been placed in various boarding homes and institutions. Each of them quietly stripping away youthful innocence, compounding his anger and self blame.
Psychologists believe a child facing difficult circumstances can learn to emotionally detach, temporarily “loosing touch” with their surroundings and immerse themselves into a fictional world. For Glenn, adopting a kind of modern day “Huckleberry Finn trait” made escaping institutions an adventure. “I saw other kids’ parents take them away for the weekend, so I felt entitled to take my own leave of absense,” he says. This “little fella” – today he’s still only 5’ 6 1/2” – became a constant absconder, earning the title: “Escape Artist”. But with every escape and capture, a very real and brutal punishment awaited. “You were taken to Parkside, maximum security for youth, and you’d get a belting or flogging with a cane or punching with fists,” Glenn says in a matter a fact manner. The detachment process used to survive childhood may explain his casualness at detailing stories of police bashings, and a ‘career’ placing boys in a head lock, punching them till they’d pass out. Till this day Glenn says there’s no “emotion attached” to these disturbing events. Yet it’s clear they were instrumental in developing a hardened criminal. Within a few short years, Glenn and his friends stood at the top of the institutional ladder, toughened to the point of indifference. “We didn’t care about what people thought…we were recidivists who quite enjoyed what we were doing because we weren’t afraid of the risks.” And proof of that came just before his eighteenth birthday. With four other mates, he commits an armed robbery. But rather than returning to Turana Youth detention centre, he’s moved to notorious Pentridge. A ‘promotion’ based on the view that he was completely institutionalised, without hope of rehabilitation, and in danger of contaminating those who were.
In the land of high fences and security, and even bigger men, little Glenn faced his first night petrified at the sight of an inmate hanging himself, and the sudden realization that he was unprepared for this new reality. “That shattered me…it still haunts me to this day,” Glenn says. “But the biggest culture shock was no one cared anymore. In spite of me being the horrible kid I was, I knew that in Baltara and Turana some people cared. It’s just I was so damaged I couldn’t reach out to them to accept it.” Unable to escape, he found new methods of disguising his insecurities. “You spend a lot of time bridging up. You wake up in the morning and put on this suit of armour and you ‘whack a basketball’ under each arm and make yourself look bigger than you are.”
An act so good it had Pentridge authorities convinced he was unrehabilitable. “I thought I was redeemable in some way but my folder had ‘institutionalised’ stamped on the front of it,” Glenn laughs. Unfortunately, labels tend to stick and gradually Glenn succumbed to his. For the next six years, he would return to prison numerous times, spending 14 months in the Notorious H Division for assaulting a prison officer. One of which, having fled Victorian borders with his pregnant wife and her two young children, landed him in Grafton prison, NSW.
It’s at this time Glenn encountered a Salvo, Steve Nelson, a former Vietnam Vet and now Salvation Army officer who visited Glenn on a regular basis and began to invest quality time into Glenn, who later became his Mentor and Friend. Glenn responded to this knock about approach by Steve and it was the catalyst for lasting change. Glenn and his family remained in Grafton and began the slow process of de-institutionalising or life outside prison; new routines, family life, the frustrations and rewards of paid work, a degree in Social Science, youth work, drug and alcohol and now, quite appropriately, working for Whitelion in the very Turana Building he grew up in. He was in a position to search for his natural father and discovered he has a brother and sister and a host of nephews and nieces that he has regular contact with.
Glenn now works with the very children and young people to whom he grew up with, just generations apart. Whitelion attempts to introduce young people and community volunteers to begin the role model process long before Glenn did. “There is just not enough men who want to take on the volunteering role” says Glenn and would love to give the same opportunity to other young people.
Glenn will go back behind bars as part of the Whitelion Annual Fundraiser Bail Out where he will spend 5 days in a 2 x 2 metre cell in the centre of Federation Square. Glenn’s bail has been set at $50,000. You can help Glenn Bail Out by sponsoring him at www.whitelion.asn.au and follow the prompts.
Had Glenn Broome been part of the “7 up” series, we’d all be thankful his outcome didn’t meet with everyone’s prediction. Glenn is available to speak to community groups and individuals about his work at Whitelion and how men in the community cane make a difference to young people.
If you would like to be involved in helping young people less fortunate than yourself you can contact Glenn on 0417 675 430 or [email protected]
Life Coach Bobbie's Tips on Happiness
Bobbie Chegwyn, Photograph by Bobbi Chegwyn
I was around 36 when I realized that I couldn’t stay in this place of being bored, uninspired and generally unexcited about my life. Actually, I had only realized that I was those three things after I received a letter from my grandmother that she had written before she died. She commented on how at age ninety five, she was able to look back on her life with fond memories.
That prompted me to think about my own life and looking back, apart from my two beautiful girls, the rest just had an emptiness about it. I felt like I had just existed and plodded along through each day going to work, being a wife, raising children. Doing what I had to do but with no level of excitement or happiness. I hadn’t yet lived in the true sense of the word. I hadn’t experienced a great love, I had never worked in an inspired and fulfilling career that excited me and I had never felt that I was truly making a difference and assisting others on a regular basis. I wasn’t smiling and feeling joyous which to me is the true meaning of living! I knew that there was a life with more meaning out there, it was a matter of finding out exactly what that was and how I could go about achieving it.
“Healing through the spoken word” had always been a skill I had carried with me since adulthood. I found people were naturally drawn to me when they needed to talk an issue over, had a problem or just wanted some advice on whatever was going on in their life. I was certainly always known as someone who liked to talk and I guess its characteristic of someone born under Gemini!
When I was placed in this position, I found that it came so naturally for me to encourage and inspire others, and to also allow them to see things from a different perspective, put new meaning onto it. The feedback I got was that people gained greater clarity on a situation and felt a sense that they were going to be okay. Conversations always ended with the friend feeling more upbeat and inspired, and well, I also got great satisfaction out of doing it. It made me feel so good to help, assist and inspire others. It fulfilled me, brought me more into that joyous state I was after.
I had been a lost soul since my mother died suddenly when I was 16. She left behind eight children and a husband. My mother had always been my safety net. Had been the one person who accepted me as I am, encouraged me and looked at me as if to say “I love you just the way you are”. In fact, one of the very last things I heard her say to someone else was “there is no greater love than a mother for her child”.
I blended in so well with my large family to the point of almost non existence and felt unseen, unheard and disconnected. I remember so many times offering up something to a family conversation only to be overlooked and spoken over. I felt so invisible and very lonely. I was a middle child, no great talents, mediocre at school, no interesting hobbies. I was existing, but I wasn’t shining. My light had truly been diminished the day she died. The one person who would listen and allowed me to feel that being me was okay and who would give me looks of unconditional love, was now gone.
Everything I did from sixteen onwards after my mother had died was purely just going through the motions whilst feeling quite numb. I finished business college, went into the workforce, travelled overseas, got married – all the while doing all this without much satisfaction, happiness or joy. I felt I was doing only what was expected of me and not yet come to the realization that this could all change if I wished it to.
At age thirty six I found myself in yet another unfulfilling office role, and thirteen years into an unsupportive, unfeeling marriage. I was unfulfilled at work because it was a career that had sat well with family expectations, then the expectations of a husband of what a dutiful wife should be doing, and I was living to please others first and foremost and not consider what might have made me shine. I was expected to contribute to the household income and did not have a husband who liked the idea of me exploring alternative careers that may have uncertainty of income attached to them. My marriage had been a disaster from day one purely because I had been searching for safety and security, the opportunity to create the ‘home’ that my mother had created for me. I remember on my wedding day thinking “I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be more excited about this today.” I don’t believe I was in love with my husband. Sure, I liked him well enough and he was a responsible citizen with a job, so at that time I chose safety and security over passion, variety, risk taking and joy.
It was though at this time that I felt the faint burning of the light that I thought had gone out 20 years previously.
As the light grew the need for change and living authentically grew, so did the urgency and determination to live a different life, to break free from my own perceived limitations and transition into the life that had always been waiting for me.
I had clarity that this new life would be one of purpose, service and contribution. I felt that my new life would have a great impact not only on myself, but on others as well. I had always had a voice in my head urging me to “know and own my greatness” and this is something that I wanted to pass on to others – women in particular. I knew this would give me a sense of wholeness and purpose and I would truly be living the life I was born to live.
So now, nearly four years later my life has dramatically changed. In 2007 I studied for a year to become an Accredited Practitioner of Life Coaching. In 2008 I was certified as a Practitioner of Neuro Linguistics Programming. In 2010 I qualified as a Trainer & Assessor.
During that time I also faced the fear of leaving my marriage along with the safety and security and walked away from mediocrity to seek what I knew I was yet to experience – real and unconditional love. I’m happy to say that I have since found it!
So how do I use my own experience to benefit others? Well, I’m thrilled to say that the answer to that is “in many ways!”. I resurrected my “Ask Coach Bobbi” life coaching business last year and I’m now a Self Empowerment and Life Transition Specialist who provides Breakthrough Coaching for Women. I assist these women to know and own their greatness, just as I needed to do. I take them on their own journey of self discovery, self realization and self empowerment – the same journey I too had to make.
The key point to my coaching is to teach women what I have learnt. That to live the life that we wish, we must look back and see the ‘why’ behind we do what we do. Timeline therapy is great for this and we have so much success looking back at defining moments that have occurred in a person’s life, what beliefs clients took on board, and how their lives subsequently have been lived according to those beliefs. Looking back on my own life, my greatest lesson was that I had always searched for love outside of myself, now really its something that truly comes from within. For when we live from a place of self love, we trust our choices, stand firm in our values and fearlessly step on to our authentic path. And we know that it’s okay to do this. We are fully supported by the Universe.
Since the beginning of the year I have also been presenting a radio program on Blog Talk Radio every Monday 10am – 12pm. Alternate Monday’s I present an on air breakthrough coaching session free of charge for a woman who has stepped forward to change her life. Every other Monday I invite special guests, personal development professionals and other people who make a difference in this world onto the program to share their story and inspire others.
I offer any woman the opportunity to break through and break free with an on air pre recorded coaching session that goes to air. I also have a page on Facebook and also on my website whereby anyone can post a question, free of charge, and receive an answer to their life’s questions.
I always say “empowering others is my drug of choice”. It feeds my own soul and through my own life’s experiences I have been able to reach out and connect, inspire and empower others and feel okay about living a life according to me. I’m now living in that joyous state on a daily basis.
© Ask Coach Bobbi
That prompted me to think about my own life and looking back, apart from my two beautiful girls, the rest just had an emptiness about it. I felt like I had just existed and plodded along through each day going to work, being a wife, raising children. Doing what I had to do but with no level of excitement or happiness. I hadn’t yet lived in the true sense of the word. I hadn’t experienced a great love, I had never worked in an inspired and fulfilling career that excited me and I had never felt that I was truly making a difference and assisting others on a regular basis. I wasn’t smiling and feeling joyous which to me is the true meaning of living! I knew that there was a life with more meaning out there, it was a matter of finding out exactly what that was and how I could go about achieving it.
“Healing through the spoken word” had always been a skill I had carried with me since adulthood. I found people were naturally drawn to me when they needed to talk an issue over, had a problem or just wanted some advice on whatever was going on in their life. I was certainly always known as someone who liked to talk and I guess its characteristic of someone born under Gemini!
When I was placed in this position, I found that it came so naturally for me to encourage and inspire others, and to also allow them to see things from a different perspective, put new meaning onto it. The feedback I got was that people gained greater clarity on a situation and felt a sense that they were going to be okay. Conversations always ended with the friend feeling more upbeat and inspired, and well, I also got great satisfaction out of doing it. It made me feel so good to help, assist and inspire others. It fulfilled me, brought me more into that joyous state I was after.
I had been a lost soul since my mother died suddenly when I was 16. She left behind eight children and a husband. My mother had always been my safety net. Had been the one person who accepted me as I am, encouraged me and looked at me as if to say “I love you just the way you are”. In fact, one of the very last things I heard her say to someone else was “there is no greater love than a mother for her child”.
I blended in so well with my large family to the point of almost non existence and felt unseen, unheard and disconnected. I remember so many times offering up something to a family conversation only to be overlooked and spoken over. I felt so invisible and very lonely. I was a middle child, no great talents, mediocre at school, no interesting hobbies. I was existing, but I wasn’t shining. My light had truly been diminished the day she died. The one person who would listen and allowed me to feel that being me was okay and who would give me looks of unconditional love, was now gone.
Everything I did from sixteen onwards after my mother had died was purely just going through the motions whilst feeling quite numb. I finished business college, went into the workforce, travelled overseas, got married – all the while doing all this without much satisfaction, happiness or joy. I felt I was doing only what was expected of me and not yet come to the realization that this could all change if I wished it to.
At age thirty six I found myself in yet another unfulfilling office role, and thirteen years into an unsupportive, unfeeling marriage. I was unfulfilled at work because it was a career that had sat well with family expectations, then the expectations of a husband of what a dutiful wife should be doing, and I was living to please others first and foremost and not consider what might have made me shine. I was expected to contribute to the household income and did not have a husband who liked the idea of me exploring alternative careers that may have uncertainty of income attached to them. My marriage had been a disaster from day one purely because I had been searching for safety and security, the opportunity to create the ‘home’ that my mother had created for me. I remember on my wedding day thinking “I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be more excited about this today.” I don’t believe I was in love with my husband. Sure, I liked him well enough and he was a responsible citizen with a job, so at that time I chose safety and security over passion, variety, risk taking and joy.
It was though at this time that I felt the faint burning of the light that I thought had gone out 20 years previously.
As the light grew the need for change and living authentically grew, so did the urgency and determination to live a different life, to break free from my own perceived limitations and transition into the life that had always been waiting for me.
I had clarity that this new life would be one of purpose, service and contribution. I felt that my new life would have a great impact not only on myself, but on others as well. I had always had a voice in my head urging me to “know and own my greatness” and this is something that I wanted to pass on to others – women in particular. I knew this would give me a sense of wholeness and purpose and I would truly be living the life I was born to live.
So now, nearly four years later my life has dramatically changed. In 2007 I studied for a year to become an Accredited Practitioner of Life Coaching. In 2008 I was certified as a Practitioner of Neuro Linguistics Programming. In 2010 I qualified as a Trainer & Assessor.
During that time I also faced the fear of leaving my marriage along with the safety and security and walked away from mediocrity to seek what I knew I was yet to experience – real and unconditional love. I’m happy to say that I have since found it!
So how do I use my own experience to benefit others? Well, I’m thrilled to say that the answer to that is “in many ways!”. I resurrected my “Ask Coach Bobbi” life coaching business last year and I’m now a Self Empowerment and Life Transition Specialist who provides Breakthrough Coaching for Women. I assist these women to know and own their greatness, just as I needed to do. I take them on their own journey of self discovery, self realization and self empowerment – the same journey I too had to make.
The key point to my coaching is to teach women what I have learnt. That to live the life that we wish, we must look back and see the ‘why’ behind we do what we do. Timeline therapy is great for this and we have so much success looking back at defining moments that have occurred in a person’s life, what beliefs clients took on board, and how their lives subsequently have been lived according to those beliefs. Looking back on my own life, my greatest lesson was that I had always searched for love outside of myself, now really its something that truly comes from within. For when we live from a place of self love, we trust our choices, stand firm in our values and fearlessly step on to our authentic path. And we know that it’s okay to do this. We are fully supported by the Universe.
Since the beginning of the year I have also been presenting a radio program on Blog Talk Radio every Monday 10am – 12pm. Alternate Monday’s I present an on air breakthrough coaching session free of charge for a woman who has stepped forward to change her life. Every other Monday I invite special guests, personal development professionals and other people who make a difference in this world onto the program to share their story and inspire others.
I offer any woman the opportunity to break through and break free with an on air pre recorded coaching session that goes to air. I also have a page on Facebook and also on my website whereby anyone can post a question, free of charge, and receive an answer to their life’s questions.
I always say “empowering others is my drug of choice”. It feeds my own soul and through my own life’s experiences I have been able to reach out and connect, inspire and empower others and feel okay about living a life according to me. I’m now living in that joyous state on a daily basis.
© Ask Coach Bobbi
By Nicole Graham
8th June 2011
8th June 2011
Policewoman Upholds Her Best Self as Well as the Law
Graham Family, Photograph by Childish Photography
Juggling it all – and I’ve dropped plenty of balls along the way!!
To say I have experience at being a working mum and juggling kids is probably an understatement in many ways and in other ways there are millions of other women out there going above and beyond anything I have ever dreamed of.
I have 3 children with widely varying needs, wants and demands and I cater to them ALL! Well attempt to, most of the time. I have been a young mum at 25, an older Mum at 41. I have been a married mum with very little help, single mum with no help and now happily married with our wonderful mixed family. I have always worked, worked until the end of each pregnancy, worked just after I had them and continue to work to this day. I may be what you call a "modern" mum. I feel like I’ve done it all in many ways, yet I definitely don’t know it all.
I often joke that "I have two teenagers, a toddler, a husband and 3 businesses – of course I drink! It’s cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist!"
When my first son (now 17) was born I returned to work after 12 weeks doing 3 x 12 hours night shifts a week as a Police Officer in the busy and rough western Sydney area. When my daughter (now 14) was born I went back to full time shift work after just 9 weeks maternity leave, working in a small country town with lots of overtime and after hours call outs. When my last baby (now 15 months) was born, I firstly worked from home then I moved to a new office and bought him to work with me. I now happily hand both him and my money over to a great Child Care Centre (I get to keep my sanity and he gets quality care and socialisation) whilst he is in day care 3-4 days per week. Of all my options and experiences I’m yet to work out which was better or worse! Many weren’t really choices they were simply what I had to do at the time.
Why do I do it? I love my kids but I also love working – so I wanted to do it all. Yes sometimes it’s tough but I made the choice and I have to do my best at it – for everyone’s sake. How do I do it? Lots of hard work, lots of stress, lots of lost sleep, sometimes only just coping, sometimes realistically not coping very well, but best of all through lots of love. We are the lucky ones: some wish they had children, some wish they had a job. I can’t imagine myself coping with NOT juggling it all.
I love a saying that apparently John Howard told one of his Ministers "No one lies on their death bed and wishes they worked harder". How true - I know, I have been on my death bed (I had open heart surgery and lingering complications when I was just 34), I grew up with my father having cancer from when he was 26 until I watch him slowly die at the age of just 43 and in the police saw many people either just prior to dying or death and then dealing with their families, and I couldn’t agree more with the quote. No one wishes they worked harder or had more money – no one! They want more time, they want to tell everyone they love them and they want to be loved, but that is about it. Work and money simply isn’t a priority in lots of ways and I always like to remind myself of that, it keeps me grounded.
However, we also have the very real need to provide an income for our families. That income provides the basics and hopefully a few luxuries such as holidays so we can give them experiences and adventures as well. We also have a real need to be productive, contributing members of our communities, professions and simply for our own self esteem and preservation.
Everyone is different, with different needs and expectations. As long as you are doing your best and you and your children aren’t being neglected then keep doing your best. Sometimes it may not be THE best, but YOUR best just has to be good enough. I think mothers are often their own worst critic. The mum who is working, looking after kids and trying to do her best all round is beating herself up, yet the mum who is at the pub every day or leaving the kids home alone makes excuses for herself. When I was in the Police, for many years I specialised in Child Abuse and Sexual Assaults, so I have seen the very worst end of the scale and if you are nowhere near that you are doing better than many.
Most disappointing of all – I have no answers. Sometimes I’m a fantastic Mum, sometimes I’m good, sometimes I’m OK and sometimes they probably wish they were living in an African jungle being bought up by Chimps. Sometimes I am so calm and patient listening to every word, other times they talk and I don’t hear a word they say. Sometimes I have screamed too much, drank too much and cried too much. Sometime I wonder what it would be like to travel endlessly or live without the ties. Sometimes the house is messy, the washings not done and it’s toasted sandwiches for dinner; but I’m yet to hear of a child dying from toasted sandwiches, un-ironed clothes or fluff on carpet.
But most of the time I am just fine and loving it all and wouldn’t change it for the world! Really, YES juggling it all and yes I have dropped many balls along the way, but hey I’m a good Mum, I’m very muchloved, I’m good at what I do with work and I adore my family, and that is just great by me. Yes I could be better, but I could act like Mother Teresa and look like Elle McPherson and there ain’t no use in wishing either of those!
One day I will be able to sleep in, stay back at work without feeling guilty or only leave work only when the IN tray is empty, but that will mean I will be sleeping in because no one needs me to be up and I won’t be rushing home because there will be no one needing me there. So I’ll make the most of it whilst I can and enjoy the next stage of my life when I get to it, but boy I’m just hoping its more relaxing that this stage! Until then keep struggling, loving and doing it day after day, because eventually you will get it right and then they will be gone. That’s when we get to work without guilt, travelling without restrictions, dine out without throwing our dinner down and sit back with my like minded friends and enjoy every lingering moment of it.
To say I have experience at being a working mum and juggling kids is probably an understatement in many ways and in other ways there are millions of other women out there going above and beyond anything I have ever dreamed of.
I have 3 children with widely varying needs, wants and demands and I cater to them ALL! Well attempt to, most of the time. I have been a young mum at 25, an older Mum at 41. I have been a married mum with very little help, single mum with no help and now happily married with our wonderful mixed family. I have always worked, worked until the end of each pregnancy, worked just after I had them and continue to work to this day. I may be what you call a "modern" mum. I feel like I’ve done it all in many ways, yet I definitely don’t know it all.
I often joke that "I have two teenagers, a toddler, a husband and 3 businesses – of course I drink! It’s cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist!"
When my first son (now 17) was born I returned to work after 12 weeks doing 3 x 12 hours night shifts a week as a Police Officer in the busy and rough western Sydney area. When my daughter (now 14) was born I went back to full time shift work after just 9 weeks maternity leave, working in a small country town with lots of overtime and after hours call outs. When my last baby (now 15 months) was born, I firstly worked from home then I moved to a new office and bought him to work with me. I now happily hand both him and my money over to a great Child Care Centre (I get to keep my sanity and he gets quality care and socialisation) whilst he is in day care 3-4 days per week. Of all my options and experiences I’m yet to work out which was better or worse! Many weren’t really choices they were simply what I had to do at the time.
Why do I do it? I love my kids but I also love working – so I wanted to do it all. Yes sometimes it’s tough but I made the choice and I have to do my best at it – for everyone’s sake. How do I do it? Lots of hard work, lots of stress, lots of lost sleep, sometimes only just coping, sometimes realistically not coping very well, but best of all through lots of love. We are the lucky ones: some wish they had children, some wish they had a job. I can’t imagine myself coping with NOT juggling it all.
I love a saying that apparently John Howard told one of his Ministers "No one lies on their death bed and wishes they worked harder". How true - I know, I have been on my death bed (I had open heart surgery and lingering complications when I was just 34), I grew up with my father having cancer from when he was 26 until I watch him slowly die at the age of just 43 and in the police saw many people either just prior to dying or death and then dealing with their families, and I couldn’t agree more with the quote. No one wishes they worked harder or had more money – no one! They want more time, they want to tell everyone they love them and they want to be loved, but that is about it. Work and money simply isn’t a priority in lots of ways and I always like to remind myself of that, it keeps me grounded.
However, we also have the very real need to provide an income for our families. That income provides the basics and hopefully a few luxuries such as holidays so we can give them experiences and adventures as well. We also have a real need to be productive, contributing members of our communities, professions and simply for our own self esteem and preservation.
Everyone is different, with different needs and expectations. As long as you are doing your best and you and your children aren’t being neglected then keep doing your best. Sometimes it may not be THE best, but YOUR best just has to be good enough. I think mothers are often their own worst critic. The mum who is working, looking after kids and trying to do her best all round is beating herself up, yet the mum who is at the pub every day or leaving the kids home alone makes excuses for herself. When I was in the Police, for many years I specialised in Child Abuse and Sexual Assaults, so I have seen the very worst end of the scale and if you are nowhere near that you are doing better than many.
Most disappointing of all – I have no answers. Sometimes I’m a fantastic Mum, sometimes I’m good, sometimes I’m OK and sometimes they probably wish they were living in an African jungle being bought up by Chimps. Sometimes I am so calm and patient listening to every word, other times they talk and I don’t hear a word they say. Sometimes I have screamed too much, drank too much and cried too much. Sometime I wonder what it would be like to travel endlessly or live without the ties. Sometimes the house is messy, the washings not done and it’s toasted sandwiches for dinner; but I’m yet to hear of a child dying from toasted sandwiches, un-ironed clothes or fluff on carpet.
But most of the time I am just fine and loving it all and wouldn’t change it for the world! Really, YES juggling it all and yes I have dropped many balls along the way, but hey I’m a good Mum, I’m very muchloved, I’m good at what I do with work and I adore my family, and that is just great by me. Yes I could be better, but I could act like Mother Teresa and look like Elle McPherson and there ain’t no use in wishing either of those!
One day I will be able to sleep in, stay back at work without feeling guilty or only leave work only when the IN tray is empty, but that will mean I will be sleeping in because no one needs me to be up and I won’t be rushing home because there will be no one needing me there. So I’ll make the most of it whilst I can and enjoy the next stage of my life when I get to it, but boy I’m just hoping its more relaxing that this stage! Until then keep struggling, loving and doing it day after day, because eventually you will get it right and then they will be gone. That’s when we get to work without guilt, travelling without restrictions, dine out without throwing our dinner down and sit back with my like minded friends and enjoy every lingering moment of it.
Your Personal Best Makes You a Winner
Photograph by David Crossley
Observed from the bottom, Mizuno Marriner's Lookout, Apollo Bay, looks like nature's elbow is touching the sky. From the top, this challenging path is a spectacular window to breathtaking views of the whole coastal town.
Visually, there's no denying its beauty. But emotionally, this hill takes some stamina and determination to concur.
On the 14th of May at 10am, Mizuno Lookout became the main route of the 6.5km fun run as part of the annual Great Ocean Road Marathon. Approximately 180 runners and walkers participated, me being one of them. The fitness levels ranged from that of Steve Monogetti - who took second place that day, to the likes of me - who has never exercised in her life, and came 3rd last or 177th as I've been told to say. And yet, we all followed the same path and thankfully, we all made it to the finish line.
My husband, daughter, brothers and their girlfriends all took part - some in my race and others in the 2pm 15km race. Despite our collective mix of running experience, amazingly, we all achieved what we set out to do - exceed a past personal best; run the whole way; make a certain time; survive!
Ultimately, my brief experience with marathon running has ticked an item off my bucket list, but more than that, it has reaffirmed my belief that winning and losing is a personal thing and not something to measure against other people. In my opinion, we win when we challenge ourselves. Achieve things we think we can not achieve. Perservere. We only lose when we give up.
Visually, there's no denying its beauty. But emotionally, this hill takes some stamina and determination to concur.
On the 14th of May at 10am, Mizuno Lookout became the main route of the 6.5km fun run as part of the annual Great Ocean Road Marathon. Approximately 180 runners and walkers participated, me being one of them. The fitness levels ranged from that of Steve Monogetti - who took second place that day, to the likes of me - who has never exercised in her life, and came 3rd last or 177th as I've been told to say. And yet, we all followed the same path and thankfully, we all made it to the finish line.
My husband, daughter, brothers and their girlfriends all took part - some in my race and others in the 2pm 15km race. Despite our collective mix of running experience, amazingly, we all achieved what we set out to do - exceed a past personal best; run the whole way; make a certain time; survive!
Ultimately, my brief experience with marathon running has ticked an item off my bucket list, but more than that, it has reaffirmed my belief that winning and losing is a personal thing and not something to measure against other people. In my opinion, we win when we challenge ourselves. Achieve things we think we can not achieve. Perservere. We only lose when we give up.
The Other Cate, Princess of Justice
Cate Hall, photograph courtesy of www.highschoolforcoburg.org
Coburge resident, Catherine Hall, is not new to community activism.
She has a clear passion for supporting her neighbour and for ensuring Coburg facilities are available to its locals.
Apart from being a founding member of Newlands Community Alliance - a group formed to ensure Newland (near Coburg) is not over-developed - she is on the
council of the local primary school and has been on the committee of the local council. Her efforts, along with the efforts of her group, has already saved the local swimming pool from closing. Newland Community Alliance has organised fund days at the swimming pool; ride-to-pool days, and have even made T shirts to market their plight. All this has worked to keep the pool open and provide a place that locals can enjoy.
Hall's current project is to campaign for a local high school for Coburg. High School For Coburg (HSC) is a group of parents formed to lobby the government for a High School that this group feels is necessary in the area. Hall has the support of local businessess, who sponsor her family days and she has the support of Coburg's residence. This project has even got its own Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/highschoolforcoburg which provides a platform for statistics, concerns and updates, like:
Coburg to expect 5,500 - 7,000 new dwellings from new developments including: Pentridge, Kodak and Coburg initiatives (Moreland Council Figures) and - no
high school. A State Secondary is needed now as a priority.
And in her own words
It's all about Community.
It started in the community - meeting a few other local mums in the playgounds and forming an ultimately formidable team which against all odds reversed the
Moreland Council decision that had closed Cobur Olympic Pool for two years.
We all grew through this experience and some of us discovered hitherto unknown and untapped skills!
With the High School for Coburg Campaign I am driven by the obvious need (proven by the DEECD Demographic Report last year which showed an
education provision shortfall) and the sheer common sense option available - the under utilised centrally located site of the last school closure which currently has
218 students in a boutique senior high but has room for 1100. Retro fitting these premises is the most cost effective, risk free and sustainable option.
A local secondary school is essential for enabling the school-family-community partnership which is crucial for education outcoms but would also benefit the
whole community in numerous other ways - environmentally, by enabling active transport; economically, by increasing livability and attracting investment; and in
terms of building and strengthening community around an education hub and reversing the exodus of families - HSC survey 2009 - 53% families considering
moving away due to the lack of local schools.
It was a simple case of, this is wrong let's get in there and get it fixed!
Increased knowledged and confidence form the previous campaign was probably a hug factor in not thinking twice about gathering people together to argue our
case for secondary school for this already very large and fast growing community.
Our actions are for the community, to help build on and strengthen what we already have at a very local level and at a broader level.
Possibly being an expatriate gives me a heightened awareness of the importance of a strong connected community - not everyone lives with or near extended
family and even if they do it is enriching to have the opportunity to engage with a broader range of people.
I am inspired by, and draw strength from my community which is full of fantastic, interesting, talented, engaged and active people and driven by a basic desire
for justice and equality,
Obviously, community is still alive and well in Coburg, particularly in the heart of Cate Hall who leads her fellow residence to what she hopes will be another victory for the suburb and consequently, for its people.
www.highschoolforcoburg.org
:
She has a clear passion for supporting her neighbour and for ensuring Coburg facilities are available to its locals.
Apart from being a founding member of Newlands Community Alliance - a group formed to ensure Newland (near Coburg) is not over-developed - she is on the
council of the local primary school and has been on the committee of the local council. Her efforts, along with the efforts of her group, has already saved the local swimming pool from closing. Newland Community Alliance has organised fund days at the swimming pool; ride-to-pool days, and have even made T shirts to market their plight. All this has worked to keep the pool open and provide a place that locals can enjoy.
Hall's current project is to campaign for a local high school for Coburg. High School For Coburg (HSC) is a group of parents formed to lobby the government for a High School that this group feels is necessary in the area. Hall has the support of local businessess, who sponsor her family days and she has the support of Coburg's residence. This project has even got its own Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/highschoolforcoburg which provides a platform for statistics, concerns and updates, like:
Coburg to expect 5,500 - 7,000 new dwellings from new developments including: Pentridge, Kodak and Coburg initiatives (Moreland Council Figures) and - no
high school. A State Secondary is needed now as a priority.
And in her own words
It's all about Community.
It started in the community - meeting a few other local mums in the playgounds and forming an ultimately formidable team which against all odds reversed the
Moreland Council decision that had closed Cobur Olympic Pool for two years.
We all grew through this experience and some of us discovered hitherto unknown and untapped skills!
With the High School for Coburg Campaign I am driven by the obvious need (proven by the DEECD Demographic Report last year which showed an
education provision shortfall) and the sheer common sense option available - the under utilised centrally located site of the last school closure which currently has
218 students in a boutique senior high but has room for 1100. Retro fitting these premises is the most cost effective, risk free and sustainable option.
A local secondary school is essential for enabling the school-family-community partnership which is crucial for education outcoms but would also benefit the
whole community in numerous other ways - environmentally, by enabling active transport; economically, by increasing livability and attracting investment; and in
terms of building and strengthening community around an education hub and reversing the exodus of families - HSC survey 2009 - 53% families considering
moving away due to the lack of local schools.
It was a simple case of, this is wrong let's get in there and get it fixed!
Increased knowledged and confidence form the previous campaign was probably a hug factor in not thinking twice about gathering people together to argue our
case for secondary school for this already very large and fast growing community.
Our actions are for the community, to help build on and strengthen what we already have at a very local level and at a broader level.
Possibly being an expatriate gives me a heightened awareness of the importance of a strong connected community - not everyone lives with or near extended
family and even if they do it is enriching to have the opportunity to engage with a broader range of people.
I am inspired by, and draw strength from my community which is full of fantastic, interesting, talented, engaged and active people and driven by a basic desire
for justice and equality,
Obviously, community is still alive and well in Coburg, particularly in the heart of Cate Hall who leads her fellow residence to what she hopes will be another victory for the suburb and consequently, for its people.
www.highschoolforcoburg.org
:
Young Mum's Health Challenges and Life Triumph
Jodie Guerrero, Photograph by Jodie Guerrero
My story and subsequent health difficulties, have been an enormous challenge, but one I hope that will inspire and encourage you as you read on about my journey (
My grandmother (now passed) prayed with me in her Sydney kitchen when I was 13 years old. 20 years later - At 33 (January/05), I faced the largest challenge of my life, but I didn't yet realise it.
Here is my story: I had been getting occasional pain down my R arm and I had felt run down and tired for some time, but having a baby and a disabled daughter always seemed to account for this. (November/05) I found a large lump in my R breast. Concerned it was breast cancer, I arranged an immediate check at a specialist breast clinic. I was told it was just a reactive lymph node, due to infections and that there was 'nothing funny going on'. I had been catching more illness than ever before and it was assumed this was the reason for the enlarged nodes. In retrospect, we now know that my immune system was breaking down and I was not able to fight off infection. The enlargement of my nodes was part of the greater problem. The cycle continued in pursuit of a diagnosis: 11 months of searching; seven doctors; 21 doctors visits. I could get no assistance & no-one would listen to me. I continued working full-time, as I had no answers and people around me, started to question my symptoms.
One morning - at a ladies camp, I woke to find numbness and sciatica in my right leg. Finally, after a week of no sleep, terrible pain and little relief, I said to my husband, If I still feel pain in the morning, I'm going to the ER for help. An ER senior doctor decided to do a CT scan 'Just in Case'. What was revealed would shock and distress the doctors, nurses, myself and my family. I was immediately admitted, in complete shock. That night, a young doctor came to tell myself & my family what was happening & what they had found. I will never forget her words: 'I have been chosen to tell you what we have found' (in other words, she got the short straw!). 'You have a mass in your back causing your pain and sciatica; its eating into your spine and pushing into your sciatic nerve, hence your sciatica. We don't know what it is, or where its come from, but we think it's probably malignant'.
I remember pleading and crying with this woman to tell the other doctors to work hard to save my life, because (at the time of diagnosis) I was only 35 and had two small children to live for. My final diagnosis was Follicular Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, B-Cell, low-grade, stage 4. The very last stage. I was later to find out that I had Lymphoma eating into bones, nerves and muscles in a large amount of my body. The pain in my R arm/shoulder was identified as bone pain from Lymphoma.
The process of treatment then began: seven weeks of hospital as an in-patient to start with (all up 10 weeks inside during my intial treatment); biopsies, tests, MRI's, scans, x-rays and then radiation and chemotherapy. Two weeks of emergency radiotherapy to save the function of my right leg; six rounds of systemic chemotherapy and eight rounds of a special Lymphoma antibody; nine months of wearing a Hickmans catheter (for withdrawal of bloods/delivery of chemo). My hair fell out twice. I went through two stem cell harvests and much fatigue and heartache.
It seems amazing (looking back), that I was able to endure the 11 previous months working, looking after the kids and home, all while my body was being ravaged by the Lymphoma and I was desperately trying to get help.
Two years, post diagnosis and treatment, my former GP was disciplined by our state medical board for not performing to expected medical standards, set by our state board for all doctors. I may have been diagnoised sooner, had these standards been met. This was a long process and took me (on my own) 2 years of active discussions, investigations & consultation by the medical board, regarding my experiences and the difficulties I experienced in trying to get a diagnosis.
In the last 4 years, I have had over 63 treatments of chemotherapy and other drugs, been in hospital thousands of hours, had a device (port-a-cath) and Hickmans implanted in my chest and also been a blood and plasma receiver many times.
Due to the extensive state of my intial disease, I have been advised that I am medically incurable. As I continue to fight and remain positive, my aim is to believe for a long and disease free life, regardless of prognosis. I went into remission in March 2007 and fell back out of remission in January 2008. My right leg function was saved again after relapse and my current status is uncertain. Much of my original recovery can be attributed to some big prayer and amazing hematologists at the Royal Brisbane Hospital (RBWH) and other medical teams. We are currently gathering opinion about my disease status and/or whether I am dealing with Progressive Radiotherapy Scaring & lesion damage. My R leg & foot have been progressively become weaker over the last year (Feb/10 - Feb/11).
My faith in God and the knowledge that I am assured of residence in His heaven, has given me the strength and the motivation to continue when it all seemed too much. I cling to the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. And the vision of the 'woman with the issue of blood'.
I am marching on and doing more than just surviving, I am believing for a better future, healed and cured. I am now currently working on health reform and Lymphoma awareness to prevent others from enduring the nightmare I went through. I want to change the system so that people world-wide have safer GP visits and faster diagnoses. I have recently been talking to government officials to suggest ways to make our system better at detecting blood cancers, catching them earlier and supporting carers in crisis. My hope is that many people will read my journey and understand the signs/symptoms of blood cancers and get motivated to support health reform. I want people from all backgrounds to be encouraged by my journey of faith and trust in a God who carried me through my pain and suffering and continues to do so. I enjoy every day and appreciate all that I have. It is a miracle that I have survived.
By Jen Taylor
8th June 2011
8th June 2011
Glimpse at Sudanese Outside Newspapers
The onions in Australia are harder than the onions in South Sudan, but not as hard as the onions in Egypt, my friend tells me. She says that it takes a long time to cook a meal in Egypt using those onions!
We laughed and then wondered why it was that an onion could look the same but be so different. In the end, we wondered if it was the soil. Perhaps the ground in verdant South Sudan was warm and moist, producing a vegetable that was soft and yielding, but that the soil in Egypt was harsh and arid.
I learn a lot from my friend. She’s much younger than me but she knows so much more about so many things. When I was 10, my nose peeled in the long hot summers, and the sound of crickets punctuated the games of Monopoly that went for days. When she was 10, she heard the sound of gunfire and the rough voices of soldiers, as she hid in the jungle, trying to keep quiet the baby she cared for. She tells me this while she makes the meal for her family, before heading off for work.
In my own kitchen, the young guys from across the road tell me about their mums. One of them tells me about his. She is still in Sudan. He hasn’t seen her since he was a teenager. He was sent with others, to safety, far from his family and far from his home. He wants to be a lawyer one day, but he has to work hard and learn the language. He has to work hard and earn enough to send money back. Medicine is expensive in Sudan, especially if you’re black. But still the sound of him laughing in my kitchen is a beautiful thing.
He loves music and dancing, but he cannot go to the clubs like most other young men with whom he works. The clubs have banned young men, if they are black. Too much trouble they say, there was a fight once, with a black man. He shrugs his shoulders and we talk about the music and dancing of his home.
My kitchen table is also the centre of preparation for citizenship for another young man. He cannot read in English or his home language so the downloaded community language file isn’t much help. Still, one of his friends, one of the few who are literate in this language which was suppressed in South Sudan reads it to him and he listens. Then we work together, to make sense of the English words in it – “came into effect” doesn’t seem to have much sense. Friday mornings are filled with drawing, vocabulary lists, practice tests and explanations. Layers and layers of work – enough to make you weep. Six attempts later, he passes the test. He is happy.
When I go to my friends’ houses, it is the Sudanese way to offer your guest water upon arrival – an acknowledgement of the journey and effort made to visit - a welcome. I wonder what sort of welcome my friends experience here in Australia.
The onions are nearly ready – now they can be mashed in order to achieve the right consistency. They’re not as hard as the onions in Egypt, but not like the ones back home either. Onions in Australia are somewhere in between.
We laughed and then wondered why it was that an onion could look the same but be so different. In the end, we wondered if it was the soil. Perhaps the ground in verdant South Sudan was warm and moist, producing a vegetable that was soft and yielding, but that the soil in Egypt was harsh and arid.
I learn a lot from my friend. She’s much younger than me but she knows so much more about so many things. When I was 10, my nose peeled in the long hot summers, and the sound of crickets punctuated the games of Monopoly that went for days. When she was 10, she heard the sound of gunfire and the rough voices of soldiers, as she hid in the jungle, trying to keep quiet the baby she cared for. She tells me this while she makes the meal for her family, before heading off for work.
In my own kitchen, the young guys from across the road tell me about their mums. One of them tells me about his. She is still in Sudan. He hasn’t seen her since he was a teenager. He was sent with others, to safety, far from his family and far from his home. He wants to be a lawyer one day, but he has to work hard and learn the language. He has to work hard and earn enough to send money back. Medicine is expensive in Sudan, especially if you’re black. But still the sound of him laughing in my kitchen is a beautiful thing.
He loves music and dancing, but he cannot go to the clubs like most other young men with whom he works. The clubs have banned young men, if they are black. Too much trouble they say, there was a fight once, with a black man. He shrugs his shoulders and we talk about the music and dancing of his home.
My kitchen table is also the centre of preparation for citizenship for another young man. He cannot read in English or his home language so the downloaded community language file isn’t much help. Still, one of his friends, one of the few who are literate in this language which was suppressed in South Sudan reads it to him and he listens. Then we work together, to make sense of the English words in it – “came into effect” doesn’t seem to have much sense. Friday mornings are filled with drawing, vocabulary lists, practice tests and explanations. Layers and layers of work – enough to make you weep. Six attempts later, he passes the test. He is happy.
When I go to my friends’ houses, it is the Sudanese way to offer your guest water upon arrival – an acknowledgement of the journey and effort made to visit - a welcome. I wonder what sort of welcome my friends experience here in Australia.
The onions are nearly ready – now they can be mashed in order to achieve the right consistency. They’re not as hard as the onions in Egypt, but not like the ones back home either. Onions in Australia are somewhere in between.
From the Editor
The Crossley kids, Photograph by David Crossley
The last three months has brought William and Cate's wedding, the Lord's death and resurrection, farwell to Grease star Jeff Conaway OKA Kenickie, another disgraced celebrity, over 2400 unique visitors to EM - wow! and yet another end-of-the-world prediction.
Clearly, when it's measured against news, three months is a long time. And yet, I hear it over and over again and I have said it many times myself that time passes quickly.
We live in a society where life is busy and moments come and go undigested. While personal, academic and professional accomplishments are important, I'm not sure they are worth skimming life's moments for. The problem with skimming is important things can be overlooked - the value of a conversation; a smile; a quiet family gathering.
This season's Purple Heroes pay special attention to family - biological, friendship and youth group and God's family - and demonstrate that we can capture and appreciate special moments while still contributing to community and self.
Thanks for coming
Louise Crossley
Clearly, when it's measured against news, three months is a long time. And yet, I hear it over and over again and I have said it many times myself that time passes quickly.
We live in a society where life is busy and moments come and go undigested. While personal, academic and professional accomplishments are important, I'm not sure they are worth skimming life's moments for. The problem with skimming is important things can be overlooked - the value of a conversation; a smile; a quiet family gathering.
This season's Purple Heroes pay special attention to family - biological, friendship and youth group and God's family - and demonstrate that we can capture and appreciate special moments while still contributing to community and self.
Thanks for coming
Louise Crossley