SUMMER EDITION 2011
By Alicia Crossley
8th December 2011
8th December 2011
IN THE ABSENCE OF AN ANGEL
Life above all is a constant sky,
we decide whether we fall or fly
we get back on our feet, these binds we untie,
to impress, to expect, but again, dissatisfied.
Why?
Why in the absence of an angel,
we’re influenced by the cold and unfaithful
we’re hateful, disgraceful a new kind of betrayal,
it’s shameful, but fateful, our lives are unstable.
So why in the absence of an angel, we’re turned into the devil?
Our hatred for each other reaches a whole new level,
through fury, we tremble, like an angry boiling kettle,
so it’s God’s enemy we decide to resemble.
I’m picked to pieces by those who show no mercy,
constantly in the dirt feeling cold and unworthy.
Holding on to whatever’s left of me, tight and firmly.
Once again my life is nothing and my head becomes blurry.
I’m skipping moments like skipping numbers, firstly and thirdly.
But I can’t help feeling sorry,
you left in such a hurry,
like you couldn’t wait to get away, with feelings that wouldn’t stay,
and a mind full of lust and greed.
I pray.
Jesus I pray.
I pray above most things, because we’re trapped in an abstract work, oblivious to lust and pain,
felt by the nonentities of our society who deserve more than the rich and the fame.
But I can’t help but feel really bad,
sitting here being sad and sorry about the pointless things in life,
our minds filtered by expectations and desire,
the desire of money and fast cars we all feel the need to require.
The desire to leave the ones who stay and chase the ones who go,
But Jesus, I pray.
I pray because we’re so easily persuaded,
our minds so easily confiscated by the wrong.
The innocent watching anticipated, wide-eyed, pupils dilated.
Feeling slightly aggravated at the fact that our minds can be so easily taken and moulded to other people’s perspectives,
Misguided by the foolish with the wrong incentives.
But Jesus I pray.
I pray that you allow me to look past this world filled with injustices and cruelty,
to truly find myself and see life as its one true beauty.
we decide whether we fall or fly
we get back on our feet, these binds we untie,
to impress, to expect, but again, dissatisfied.
Why?
Why in the absence of an angel,
we’re influenced by the cold and unfaithful
we’re hateful, disgraceful a new kind of betrayal,
it’s shameful, but fateful, our lives are unstable.
So why in the absence of an angel, we’re turned into the devil?
Our hatred for each other reaches a whole new level,
through fury, we tremble, like an angry boiling kettle,
so it’s God’s enemy we decide to resemble.
I’m picked to pieces by those who show no mercy,
constantly in the dirt feeling cold and unworthy.
Holding on to whatever’s left of me, tight and firmly.
Once again my life is nothing and my head becomes blurry.
I’m skipping moments like skipping numbers, firstly and thirdly.
But I can’t help feeling sorry,
you left in such a hurry,
like you couldn’t wait to get away, with feelings that wouldn’t stay,
and a mind full of lust and greed.
I pray.
Jesus I pray.
I pray above most things, because we’re trapped in an abstract work, oblivious to lust and pain,
felt by the nonentities of our society who deserve more than the rich and the fame.
But I can’t help but feel really bad,
sitting here being sad and sorry about the pointless things in life,
our minds filtered by expectations and desire,
the desire of money and fast cars we all feel the need to require.
The desire to leave the ones who stay and chase the ones who go,
But Jesus, I pray.
I pray because we’re so easily persuaded,
our minds so easily confiscated by the wrong.
The innocent watching anticipated, wide-eyed, pupils dilated.
Feeling slightly aggravated at the fact that our minds can be so easily taken and moulded to other people’s perspectives,
Misguided by the foolish with the wrong incentives.
But Jesus I pray.
I pray that you allow me to look past this world filled with injustices and cruelty,
to truly find myself and see life as its one true beauty.
SUPER HERO LOTTIE
Moveover, Catwoman, Lara Croft, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and yes, even Wonderwoman, Victoria's bred its own heroine and her powers encapsulate a darker shade of violet.
If endearing eyes, blonde hair, and legs that make Elle Mcpherson look petite is not captivating enough, Lottie the lollipop lady is a saviour of the street too.
A heroine indeed, in keeping school crossings safe and in battling the relentless villain: the Tight-Schedule, also known as, Not-Enough-Hours-in-the-Day or, Running-Ridiculously-Late.
Unlike the Joker, Dracula and other shadows, the Tight-Schedule is not out to destroy the world or cause havoc, but it can still be deadly. This bad guyunacceptably takes shortcuts in safety, and consequently inflicts potential dangers on school crossings, and ultimately our innocent children.
Watch out civilians, for this nasty's special power can penetrate the human brain and disintegrate common sense, to persuade - even a sensible motorist/pedestrian - to do the wrong thing in the name of time thriftiness. But be assured, Lottie, and her side-kick the talking Whistle, are alertly standing by to stop the Tight-Schedule in its tracks, and to courageously enforce the message of safety.
So like Ali Baba's 'Open Sesame' and Captain Marvel's 'Shazam', Whistle's 'Vroo Vroo' are magic words that demand attention, and Lottie will be watching out for those that don't pay it. Ultimately, you have a choice: YOU can allow yourself to be consumed by the dark-side and give in to the temptation of the Tight-Schedule, or, you can be one of the good guys and support Lottie in keeping school crossings safe.
To book Lottie the lollipop lady for your school or kindergarten, contact your local council or, School Crossings Victoria Chairperson, Dreena Lawrence-Gray on: [email protected]
Cost: $60 per hour.
If endearing eyes, blonde hair, and legs that make Elle Mcpherson look petite is not captivating enough, Lottie the lollipop lady is a saviour of the street too.
A heroine indeed, in keeping school crossings safe and in battling the relentless villain: the Tight-Schedule, also known as, Not-Enough-Hours-in-the-Day or, Running-Ridiculously-Late.
Unlike the Joker, Dracula and other shadows, the Tight-Schedule is not out to destroy the world or cause havoc, but it can still be deadly. This bad guyunacceptably takes shortcuts in safety, and consequently inflicts potential dangers on school crossings, and ultimately our innocent children.
Watch out civilians, for this nasty's special power can penetrate the human brain and disintegrate common sense, to persuade - even a sensible motorist/pedestrian - to do the wrong thing in the name of time thriftiness. But be assured, Lottie, and her side-kick the talking Whistle, are alertly standing by to stop the Tight-Schedule in its tracks, and to courageously enforce the message of safety.
So like Ali Baba's 'Open Sesame' and Captain Marvel's 'Shazam', Whistle's 'Vroo Vroo' are magic words that demand attention, and Lottie will be watching out for those that don't pay it. Ultimately, you have a choice: YOU can allow yourself to be consumed by the dark-side and give in to the temptation of the Tight-Schedule, or, you can be one of the good guys and support Lottie in keeping school crossings safe.
To book Lottie the lollipop lady for your school or kindergarten, contact your local council or, School Crossings Victoria Chairperson, Dreena Lawrence-Gray on: [email protected]
Cost: $60 per hour.
By Wei-li Wong
8th December 2011
8th December 2011
ACHIEVING PEACE
The spring of my content
The summer of my discontent was taking too long to dissipate. I wasn’t living – merely existing, so life was lacking lustre. The year had started off with turmoil and it looked destined to end the same way. But deep down, I knew there was a better way to live life. Unknowingly, I had started looking for answers, and my quest led me to Vipasanna – a meditation technique taught over 10 days that has been gaining popularity throughout the world. I couldn’t procrastinate and blame the cost of the retreat - courses are run solely by volunteers on a donation basis and there are no charges, not even to cover the cost of food and accommodation
And yet, I hesitated slightly; I had never meditated before and never considered meditation to be the answer. After all, I am a true child of the 80s. Why look inward for answers when the world is so willing to provide distractions and diversions? But I was determined to get off the fast paced conveyor belt of life, and instinct told me I should do this.
The camp
I remember that beautiful September day very vividly as I arrived at the Vipassana Meditation Centre in Woori Yallock, Healesville. The Vipassana Meditation Centre is made up of a collection of small buildings - kitchen to one side, male and female dorm room accommodations on the other. Males and females were to be segregated at all times, except at the meditation hall where we sat in separate parts of the hall. It really did look like a summer camp, with lots of trees and small cabins. This was going to be home for the next 10 days.
The technique
On the first evening, around 27 (20 women and 7 men) of us were briefed and introduced to Vipassana, which is a 2500 year old meditation technique from India. The word Vipasanna means, seeing things as they really are. One begins by observing the natural breath to concentrate the mind. There is no chanting and no visualisations – just constant awareness of the bare breath. Each day brought an addition to the technique to build on the previous lessons and at the end of the 10 days, meditators should have laid the foundation toward understanding and practising Vipasanna.
To ensure that all meditators throughout the world were learning the same technique, the assistant teacher would play video and cassette tapes. The tapes featured S. N. Goenka, the person responsible for spreading the technique. Through the years, Mr. Goenka has trained more than 800 assistant teachers and each year more than 100,000 people attend the Vipassana retreats. It was clear that we would go through some tough days ahead: 10 days of silence; no internet or telephone access; no contact with the outside world; a strict schedule and a solely vegetarian diet. What we got out of the retreat was also entirely up to us. This technique relies on self discipline and determination. Day 1 had not ended and already, doubts had begun forming. The biggest question loomed: what the heck am I doing here? And do I have what it takes to complete this?
The schedule
Day 2 dawned and I realised that there would be no shortcuts. More than 10 hours a day are spent meditating and there are short breaks throughout the day for meals and short rests. The last meal (a choice of 2 fruits) of the day is served at 5 pm together with hot beverages. There is, however, purpose to the austerity. Less food means that the stomach is empty and one is better able to concentrate.
From concentrating on bare breath, meditators start working on observing other bodily sensations, objectively. At 7pm every day, the assistant teacher would pop in a video tape and Mr Goenka would fill the screen with the discourse of the day. It would be a time to reflect on the experiences and prepare for the next day. He was funny and wise – the perfect combination and a highlight of my day.
The days passed, one after the other. It was truly a simple time. I woke up at 4am to get ready for the first meditation session in my pyjamas – and for the record, waking up at 4am isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be! No cosmetics, no high heels, no pretty clothes. I would huddle in thick blankets and trudge down to the dining hall at 6.30 am for breakfast and watch dawn break over the cloudless sky. Delicious porridge with plums, thick slices of toast with organic peanut butter… the food was surprisingly tasty, with a beautiful vegetarian spread for lunch. Breaks for food kept me going and broke the monotony, as there were days when the spirit would be weak and negative thoughts would float to the surface. On Day 4, the ante was upped and we were introduced to ‘sittings of great determination’ where we were required to try as much as possible to sit still and meditate for an hour at a time.
The lessons
As I write this, I am trying very hard to do my experience justice and articulate it as best I can. But the reader would never be able to comprehend my journey, no matter how verbose I was or how perfect the sentence structure. Because everyone’s journey and lessons are so different and one truly learns what one needs to learn. Because, like it says on the website, ‘the process of self purification by introspection is never easy – students of the technique have to work very hard at it. By their own efforts students arrive at their own realizations’.
As for me, I believe I went into Vipasanna with a heart half a size too small – almost grinch-like, if I had to describe it. After all, how can you love others fully when you don’t fully love yourself? And how do you love yourself fully when you are comparing yourself to others, or when you don’t feel complete?
I went into the retreat with two aims: one was to know myself, and the other, was to feel true love and compassion. And I have to say that it has been great getting to know me all over again! It’s amazing the breakthrough one achieves when one is forced to sit in silence. At times, even the sound of a cow mooing reminded me of a mobile phone vibrating! In all seriousness, I’ve learned that this 10 day retreat was truly a microcosm of how I’ve lived my life for 30 years. I am determined, and that has gotten me to where I am in life. But the silence part worked in my favour because I wasn’t comparing my progress to the other students. When I stopped comparing, I became happier. I decided that I didn’t have to be the top scholar or the best student in the class. I worked hard during meditation but if I was feeling tired, I would go and have a short nanna nap.
I also realise that I have no regrets with my lot in life and that if I could do it all over again, I would do the same thing. And to have reached the ripe age of 30 and not have a single regret, well, I couldn’t help but feel very, very blessed.
And at the end of the day, everyone really is the same. When everyone is sitting still during ‘sittings of great determination’ for an hour, be they prince or pauper, they will be in pain and the pins and needles would attack, but only for a short while because, that sensation too, shall pass. And there is no reason to compare – ever.
But I learned not only intellectually (which is the easy bit) but also believing in these truths from a much deeper level, as I experienced first-hand the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness. And on the last day, when I looked at the faces of those who had made it, I saw champions.
I left Healesville with a gift that day. My toolkit to tackle life now has new tools in it. I have an array of shiny new spanners and hammers and screwdrivers in which to view the world. My life situation hasn’t changed, but my perspective of it certainly has.
The year that had started with the summer of my discontent had unwittingly rolled into the spring of my content. 2 months down the road, I still feel very, very blessed. Learning the art of living has been priceless for me. And as the teachings say: be happy. I intend to! J
The summer of my discontent was taking too long to dissipate. I wasn’t living – merely existing, so life was lacking lustre. The year had started off with turmoil and it looked destined to end the same way. But deep down, I knew there was a better way to live life. Unknowingly, I had started looking for answers, and my quest led me to Vipasanna – a meditation technique taught over 10 days that has been gaining popularity throughout the world. I couldn’t procrastinate and blame the cost of the retreat - courses are run solely by volunteers on a donation basis and there are no charges, not even to cover the cost of food and accommodation
And yet, I hesitated slightly; I had never meditated before and never considered meditation to be the answer. After all, I am a true child of the 80s. Why look inward for answers when the world is so willing to provide distractions and diversions? But I was determined to get off the fast paced conveyor belt of life, and instinct told me I should do this.
The camp
I remember that beautiful September day very vividly as I arrived at the Vipassana Meditation Centre in Woori Yallock, Healesville. The Vipassana Meditation Centre is made up of a collection of small buildings - kitchen to one side, male and female dorm room accommodations on the other. Males and females were to be segregated at all times, except at the meditation hall where we sat in separate parts of the hall. It really did look like a summer camp, with lots of trees and small cabins. This was going to be home for the next 10 days.
The technique
On the first evening, around 27 (20 women and 7 men) of us were briefed and introduced to Vipassana, which is a 2500 year old meditation technique from India. The word Vipasanna means, seeing things as they really are. One begins by observing the natural breath to concentrate the mind. There is no chanting and no visualisations – just constant awareness of the bare breath. Each day brought an addition to the technique to build on the previous lessons and at the end of the 10 days, meditators should have laid the foundation toward understanding and practising Vipasanna.
To ensure that all meditators throughout the world were learning the same technique, the assistant teacher would play video and cassette tapes. The tapes featured S. N. Goenka, the person responsible for spreading the technique. Through the years, Mr. Goenka has trained more than 800 assistant teachers and each year more than 100,000 people attend the Vipassana retreats. It was clear that we would go through some tough days ahead: 10 days of silence; no internet or telephone access; no contact with the outside world; a strict schedule and a solely vegetarian diet. What we got out of the retreat was also entirely up to us. This technique relies on self discipline and determination. Day 1 had not ended and already, doubts had begun forming. The biggest question loomed: what the heck am I doing here? And do I have what it takes to complete this?
The schedule
Day 2 dawned and I realised that there would be no shortcuts. More than 10 hours a day are spent meditating and there are short breaks throughout the day for meals and short rests. The last meal (a choice of 2 fruits) of the day is served at 5 pm together with hot beverages. There is, however, purpose to the austerity. Less food means that the stomach is empty and one is better able to concentrate.
From concentrating on bare breath, meditators start working on observing other bodily sensations, objectively. At 7pm every day, the assistant teacher would pop in a video tape and Mr Goenka would fill the screen with the discourse of the day. It would be a time to reflect on the experiences and prepare for the next day. He was funny and wise – the perfect combination and a highlight of my day.
The days passed, one after the other. It was truly a simple time. I woke up at 4am to get ready for the first meditation session in my pyjamas – and for the record, waking up at 4am isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be! No cosmetics, no high heels, no pretty clothes. I would huddle in thick blankets and trudge down to the dining hall at 6.30 am for breakfast and watch dawn break over the cloudless sky. Delicious porridge with plums, thick slices of toast with organic peanut butter… the food was surprisingly tasty, with a beautiful vegetarian spread for lunch. Breaks for food kept me going and broke the monotony, as there were days when the spirit would be weak and negative thoughts would float to the surface. On Day 4, the ante was upped and we were introduced to ‘sittings of great determination’ where we were required to try as much as possible to sit still and meditate for an hour at a time.
The lessons
As I write this, I am trying very hard to do my experience justice and articulate it as best I can. But the reader would never be able to comprehend my journey, no matter how verbose I was or how perfect the sentence structure. Because everyone’s journey and lessons are so different and one truly learns what one needs to learn. Because, like it says on the website, ‘the process of self purification by introspection is never easy – students of the technique have to work very hard at it. By their own efforts students arrive at their own realizations’.
As for me, I believe I went into Vipasanna with a heart half a size too small – almost grinch-like, if I had to describe it. After all, how can you love others fully when you don’t fully love yourself? And how do you love yourself fully when you are comparing yourself to others, or when you don’t feel complete?
I went into the retreat with two aims: one was to know myself, and the other, was to feel true love and compassion. And I have to say that it has been great getting to know me all over again! It’s amazing the breakthrough one achieves when one is forced to sit in silence. At times, even the sound of a cow mooing reminded me of a mobile phone vibrating! In all seriousness, I’ve learned that this 10 day retreat was truly a microcosm of how I’ve lived my life for 30 years. I am determined, and that has gotten me to where I am in life. But the silence part worked in my favour because I wasn’t comparing my progress to the other students. When I stopped comparing, I became happier. I decided that I didn’t have to be the top scholar or the best student in the class. I worked hard during meditation but if I was feeling tired, I would go and have a short nanna nap.
I also realise that I have no regrets with my lot in life and that if I could do it all over again, I would do the same thing. And to have reached the ripe age of 30 and not have a single regret, well, I couldn’t help but feel very, very blessed.
And at the end of the day, everyone really is the same. When everyone is sitting still during ‘sittings of great determination’ for an hour, be they prince or pauper, they will be in pain and the pins and needles would attack, but only for a short while because, that sensation too, shall pass. And there is no reason to compare – ever.
But I learned not only intellectually (which is the easy bit) but also believing in these truths from a much deeper level, as I experienced first-hand the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness. And on the last day, when I looked at the faces of those who had made it, I saw champions.
I left Healesville with a gift that day. My toolkit to tackle life now has new tools in it. I have an array of shiny new spanners and hammers and screwdrivers in which to view the world. My life situation hasn’t changed, but my perspective of it certainly has.
The year that had started with the summer of my discontent had unwittingly rolled into the spring of my content. 2 months down the road, I still feel very, very blessed. Learning the art of living has been priceless for me. And as the teachings say: be happy. I intend to! J
By Andrew Fiu
8th December 2011
8th December 2011
YOU NEED TO GIVE BACK. SIMPLE!
You need to give back. Simple.I was twenty-nine years old, the second time I died. I remember feeling relieved. At ease with it all, but a strong sense of sadness was still palpable. I remember the sadness very clearly and with that, the realisation that dying was natural. I was not scared and if the truth be told, I welcomed dying. I had been ill for most of my life.I had my first open heart surgery at fifteen and it was there on the operating table that I died for the first time.
So, although the second time wasn’t a complete shock, it still wasn’t a welcome one. Although I was dead, I was aware of my parents’ grief. My mother and father were devastated their eldest son had passed away, but I knew they felt relief also. Realising I wouldn’t suffer anymore, it helped me to see that leaving them would be O.K. I saw the hospital hallway filled with relatives in tears. My brothers and one of my sisters were there also. It was a traumatic time for everyone that afternoon but the outcome was not unexpected.It was the surgeon who saved my life. Again.
I have spent thirty-five years with a diseased heart and a very compromised circulatory system. I have had six open heart surgeries, have died twice and witnessed nine other patients dying in those years, in rooms I shared with them. I had my first open heart surgery when I was fifteen and my sixth and most recent on 25 February 2010. I had a pacemaker inserted only three months ago. Someone wants me to live.Spending over four years in hospital and unable to do many things that most people take for granted, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not only the skill of the surgeon and the medical team that pulls you through, it’s also your spirit. Your will to continue.
Even under sustained duress, the human body can achieve the most amazing things and the human spirit to overcome adversity through willpower is no shrinking violet either.Still, you need a reason to live. Living for the sake of living, I’ve found is not enough.
When I was fifteen, I didn’t prepare myself mentally. At that age, I didn’t think or dwell on the negatives too much, I just wanted to get it over and done with and with hindsight that helped me immensely. The optimism and impatience of youth were on my side, but for each of the five successive operations since, I have prepared myself mentally.What has pulled me through since then, is love. It is a powerful medicine. One that you can hold onto like an anchor in a storm. Wanting to live for other people, is a gift I could take with me, bundled up inside, as they wheeled me into theatre yet again. I could take it out and don it like armour as they put me to sleep.
To conquer, the first step is to accept what lies ahead. The worst outcome is death and I don’t waste precious energy worrying and fretting about the ‘what ifs’. They are irrelevant. I need to spend my energy acknowledging the battle before me and building my reserves to cope.Spiritually, I talk to God. Pretty much the same thing every time. I tell him I’m not happy about going through life all sickly, and to be honest I’m not really happy with him either but there’s not a lot I can do about it, so I’ll roll with the punches, so to speak.When yet another operation looms before me, I inform my family, my friends and my neighbours, even the lawn mower guy is not spared my valedictorian speech or musings that I may not be seeing him agin. People think I’m crazy but I don’t care because it’s about me, NOT them. It helps to settle me spiritually. I also spend a lot of time listening to Opera, Jazz and Classical music. Not because I think that’s what they listen to in heaven, but because it was more soothing.
Even to a fifteen year old and today, at forty six, I still feel the same.Unequivocally, know you will live but be prepared for the alternative.I have written goodbye letters to every family member for the last three open heart surgeries and gave them to everyone when they visited me for the last time before surgery. They were tearful moments for me but helped to prepare my mind to fight harder. Writing those letters, reminded me of why I love life. It’s not just the living. It’s the loving. At the end of the day, it’s a major weapon in your arsenal for the fight ahead. You need to get back to your loved ones.As I said earlier '... just to live for the sake of living is not good enough', you need to have a better reason to give back once you are alive and well. I have experienced some things that will take too long to write about here but giving back and loving is a major tool in our quest survival. We just don’t know the half of it.
I lecture and help students study now. I wrote a book and now tour colleges and universities. I open up Conferences and am paid to fly here and there. I mentor, do interviews, read to book clubs and even promise to hold peoples hands on their way to the operating theatre, if it will help.I need to give back. No matter how long I am alive, that simple human trait that is occasionally forgotten in many lives, is now just an afterthought in mine, as I live it everyday.
So, although the second time wasn’t a complete shock, it still wasn’t a welcome one. Although I was dead, I was aware of my parents’ grief. My mother and father were devastated their eldest son had passed away, but I knew they felt relief also. Realising I wouldn’t suffer anymore, it helped me to see that leaving them would be O.K. I saw the hospital hallway filled with relatives in tears. My brothers and one of my sisters were there also. It was a traumatic time for everyone that afternoon but the outcome was not unexpected.It was the surgeon who saved my life. Again.
I have spent thirty-five years with a diseased heart and a very compromised circulatory system. I have had six open heart surgeries, have died twice and witnessed nine other patients dying in those years, in rooms I shared with them. I had my first open heart surgery when I was fifteen and my sixth and most recent on 25 February 2010. I had a pacemaker inserted only three months ago. Someone wants me to live.Spending over four years in hospital and unable to do many things that most people take for granted, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not only the skill of the surgeon and the medical team that pulls you through, it’s also your spirit. Your will to continue.
Even under sustained duress, the human body can achieve the most amazing things and the human spirit to overcome adversity through willpower is no shrinking violet either.Still, you need a reason to live. Living for the sake of living, I’ve found is not enough.
When I was fifteen, I didn’t prepare myself mentally. At that age, I didn’t think or dwell on the negatives too much, I just wanted to get it over and done with and with hindsight that helped me immensely. The optimism and impatience of youth were on my side, but for each of the five successive operations since, I have prepared myself mentally.What has pulled me through since then, is love. It is a powerful medicine. One that you can hold onto like an anchor in a storm. Wanting to live for other people, is a gift I could take with me, bundled up inside, as they wheeled me into theatre yet again. I could take it out and don it like armour as they put me to sleep.
To conquer, the first step is to accept what lies ahead. The worst outcome is death and I don’t waste precious energy worrying and fretting about the ‘what ifs’. They are irrelevant. I need to spend my energy acknowledging the battle before me and building my reserves to cope.Spiritually, I talk to God. Pretty much the same thing every time. I tell him I’m not happy about going through life all sickly, and to be honest I’m not really happy with him either but there’s not a lot I can do about it, so I’ll roll with the punches, so to speak.When yet another operation looms before me, I inform my family, my friends and my neighbours, even the lawn mower guy is not spared my valedictorian speech or musings that I may not be seeing him agin. People think I’m crazy but I don’t care because it’s about me, NOT them. It helps to settle me spiritually. I also spend a lot of time listening to Opera, Jazz and Classical music. Not because I think that’s what they listen to in heaven, but because it was more soothing.
Even to a fifteen year old and today, at forty six, I still feel the same.Unequivocally, know you will live but be prepared for the alternative.I have written goodbye letters to every family member for the last three open heart surgeries and gave them to everyone when they visited me for the last time before surgery. They were tearful moments for me but helped to prepare my mind to fight harder. Writing those letters, reminded me of why I love life. It’s not just the living. It’s the loving. At the end of the day, it’s a major weapon in your arsenal for the fight ahead. You need to get back to your loved ones.As I said earlier '... just to live for the sake of living is not good enough', you need to have a better reason to give back once you are alive and well. I have experienced some things that will take too long to write about here but giving back and loving is a major tool in our quest survival. We just don’t know the half of it.
I lecture and help students study now. I wrote a book and now tour colleges and universities. I open up Conferences and am paid to fly here and there. I mentor, do interviews, read to book clubs and even promise to hold peoples hands on their way to the operating theatre, if it will help.I need to give back. No matter how long I am alive, that simple human trait that is occasionally forgotten in many lives, is now just an afterthought in mine, as I live it everyday.
By Marylin Schirmer
8th December 2011
8th December 2011
TRAGEDY TO TREASURES
My story is a ‘rags to riches’ story, or should I say, ‘miserable to happy’, or ‘doomed to blessed’ or destitute to wealthy? Actually it’s all of them. It’s about how it took me 33 years to break the cycle I was in. I believe it’s one many people are in but don’t know it, let alone how to break it. Basically I would rate my level of self confidence back then to be minus 100 on a scale from 1 to 10 scale.
I was treated very poorly by my father, experienced sexual abuse from family members growing up as a child and was following my destiny of 3 generations of domestic violence involving guns, suppression and oppression. My mother and her mother experienced a very similar life. It’s hard to see past what is your existence to know any other is possible. I was raised to believe it was all just my ‘lot in life’ and that what was, just was, you couldn’t change it, after all it’s just fate. I very much didn’t want to end up suffering like my female ancestors did.
I was raped at gunpoint on my 18th birthday and lived a life of fear with many more very traumatic and significant emotions events occurring throughout my life. My story, although horrific for most to contemplate for so long, is an inspiring one because I broke the cycle before it was too late. I reversed my life from seemingly cursed to one so blessed I have to pinch myself at times.
The only thing that really got me through the really bad patches was the knowledge that I was the only person the kids had most of the time. They loved me unconditionally and they deserved more, but I somehow thought happiness, respect and value would just come to me one day when I would just get ‘lucky’ and that I had no choice in the matter as I was continuing to spiral ever further downwards.
I hadn’t been taking responsibility; I was too busy being a victim in someone else’s game of life. I had to jump off the whole board and move myself across to a whole new game. Enough was enough, it was going to stop at this generation. I always had thought it was someone else job to make sure I found happiness. If only I’d known then what I know now about the power we each harness when we use our mind for our own good.
When times get unbearable is when we most need to believe in ourselves and our deserving of a better life. Focus on creating a positive mind image of a better life to come, don’t focus on the past. Visualise a better tomorrow with you in the picture and lots of color and joy. It starts with a different thought and mindset.
Well after 33 years of somehow managing to stay alive, and after coming out of hiding as a single mother of 4, I made a decision in stone. I was going to change my life. With the same conviction as presidents have when they declare war, I vowed I would make a better life for my little family. We had suffered enough. I was going to claim my power, before it was too late. I was going to make new decisions. I was going to create a life of quality.
I started to copy successful confident people who I wanted to be like. I dressed better, walked along making eye contact with people and smiled first at them. I started to read inspirational stories and decided I was going to be one.
It’s amazing how a decision changes EVERYTHING, including the type of people I then began to attract into my life. I was previously an unemployed checkout chick and waitress with no business experience whatsoever or any money at all to back me. In fact we were living in emergency housing that had no floor coverings and on a relocation program in a town where I knew nobody, because I’d used up my limit of DVO’s.
I joined a direct selling company because I thought that I was desperate and who was I to say no. In the meantime I would continue the search for the perfect opportunity. I had a list of the definition of a perfect opportunity because it had to allow me the freedom to put my children first, the freedom to not work school holidays because I didn’t know anybody to watch them and it had to sit in the values I wanted to adopt to bring my children up with.
Well, after being with that company for 1 month I decided to stop the search. Not only did I experience massive growth in self-esteem and confidence in a short space of time, within only a few years I was earning in excess of $10,000/mth. To date my highest single month income was $25,000. Since I joined 15 years ago I have broken and still hold the Aust/NZ records for top Sales Director production, and in 2009 was number 1 in 10 Countries. Being the only one to ever break the million mark, my colleagues called me Million Dollar Maz. I went from no passport living in emergency housing, to moving us into a 6 bedroom house with a swimming pool and taking 26 overseas free trips within just 14 years.
I believe everyone has the capacity to change their life. I decided to create my own destiny, no more fate for me, I would make my own. I worked hard reading positive books and triumphant stories and in fact, have since written my own book. Having decided it’s time to help other women to breakthrough their own inner blockages and belief barriers, I penned not only my full untold private story, right through to my current life, but a section is actual mind exercises to help people to break the patterns of sabotage that they run every day in their mind, creating more of the same.
Here is a great exercise to do when you are feeling any intense negative emotion such as anger, fear, sadness or hurt and it’s an easy one to teach children to use if they get overwhelmed at school. Imagine inflating a balloon inside of you with the negative emotion so that it is all now encased inside the imaginary balloon. When it’s full, imagine that you have a big needle and at the count of 3 bust it. Imagine that any of the emotion that may be left inside of you is running out your toes.
That will allow you to release the emotion so you make better choices.
To your amazing life.
To order an author signed copy of ‘The MAZ Factor’ go to www.themazfactor.com/book.
Marylin Schirmer
Women’s Transformational Coach & Mentor
www.themazfactor.com
I was treated very poorly by my father, experienced sexual abuse from family members growing up as a child and was following my destiny of 3 generations of domestic violence involving guns, suppression and oppression. My mother and her mother experienced a very similar life. It’s hard to see past what is your existence to know any other is possible. I was raised to believe it was all just my ‘lot in life’ and that what was, just was, you couldn’t change it, after all it’s just fate. I very much didn’t want to end up suffering like my female ancestors did.
I was raped at gunpoint on my 18th birthday and lived a life of fear with many more very traumatic and significant emotions events occurring throughout my life. My story, although horrific for most to contemplate for so long, is an inspiring one because I broke the cycle before it was too late. I reversed my life from seemingly cursed to one so blessed I have to pinch myself at times.
The only thing that really got me through the really bad patches was the knowledge that I was the only person the kids had most of the time. They loved me unconditionally and they deserved more, but I somehow thought happiness, respect and value would just come to me one day when I would just get ‘lucky’ and that I had no choice in the matter as I was continuing to spiral ever further downwards.
I hadn’t been taking responsibility; I was too busy being a victim in someone else’s game of life. I had to jump off the whole board and move myself across to a whole new game. Enough was enough, it was going to stop at this generation. I always had thought it was someone else job to make sure I found happiness. If only I’d known then what I know now about the power we each harness when we use our mind for our own good.
When times get unbearable is when we most need to believe in ourselves and our deserving of a better life. Focus on creating a positive mind image of a better life to come, don’t focus on the past. Visualise a better tomorrow with you in the picture and lots of color and joy. It starts with a different thought and mindset.
Well after 33 years of somehow managing to stay alive, and after coming out of hiding as a single mother of 4, I made a decision in stone. I was going to change my life. With the same conviction as presidents have when they declare war, I vowed I would make a better life for my little family. We had suffered enough. I was going to claim my power, before it was too late. I was going to make new decisions. I was going to create a life of quality.
I started to copy successful confident people who I wanted to be like. I dressed better, walked along making eye contact with people and smiled first at them. I started to read inspirational stories and decided I was going to be one.
It’s amazing how a decision changes EVERYTHING, including the type of people I then began to attract into my life. I was previously an unemployed checkout chick and waitress with no business experience whatsoever or any money at all to back me. In fact we were living in emergency housing that had no floor coverings and on a relocation program in a town where I knew nobody, because I’d used up my limit of DVO’s.
I joined a direct selling company because I thought that I was desperate and who was I to say no. In the meantime I would continue the search for the perfect opportunity. I had a list of the definition of a perfect opportunity because it had to allow me the freedom to put my children first, the freedom to not work school holidays because I didn’t know anybody to watch them and it had to sit in the values I wanted to adopt to bring my children up with.
Well, after being with that company for 1 month I decided to stop the search. Not only did I experience massive growth in self-esteem and confidence in a short space of time, within only a few years I was earning in excess of $10,000/mth. To date my highest single month income was $25,000. Since I joined 15 years ago I have broken and still hold the Aust/NZ records for top Sales Director production, and in 2009 was number 1 in 10 Countries. Being the only one to ever break the million mark, my colleagues called me Million Dollar Maz. I went from no passport living in emergency housing, to moving us into a 6 bedroom house with a swimming pool and taking 26 overseas free trips within just 14 years.
I believe everyone has the capacity to change their life. I decided to create my own destiny, no more fate for me, I would make my own. I worked hard reading positive books and triumphant stories and in fact, have since written my own book. Having decided it’s time to help other women to breakthrough their own inner blockages and belief barriers, I penned not only my full untold private story, right through to my current life, but a section is actual mind exercises to help people to break the patterns of sabotage that they run every day in their mind, creating more of the same.
Here is a great exercise to do when you are feeling any intense negative emotion such as anger, fear, sadness or hurt and it’s an easy one to teach children to use if they get overwhelmed at school. Imagine inflating a balloon inside of you with the negative emotion so that it is all now encased inside the imaginary balloon. When it’s full, imagine that you have a big needle and at the count of 3 bust it. Imagine that any of the emotion that may be left inside of you is running out your toes.
That will allow you to release the emotion so you make better choices.
To your amazing life.
To order an author signed copy of ‘The MAZ Factor’ go to www.themazfactor.com/book.
Marylin Schirmer
Women’s Transformational Coach & Mentor
www.themazfactor.com
THE ENCHANTED EVENING
October this year is a date that will be etched in my memory. Ultimately, it was a night that brought out our spirit of generosity but it also showcased three very worthy charities - Whitelion Mentoring, Augustinian Sisters Orphanage, and Touched by Olivia.
It's not everyday you get to witness a perfect world, and I think I had the privilege of doing just that on that fateful day. For an entire five hours, the world that I was a part of was indeed perfect to me. I witnessed courage - so much courage, Purple Heroes: Sue Gatt, Jess Heard, Glenn Manton, Hope Gatt, John-Paul Cauchi, Carmen Testa and Fran Merckel, graced us with their presence as we recounted their inspirational stories. I witnessed loyalty, over 100 people came out on a Thursday night to help raise money and awareness. I witnessed incredible generosity, from the organisations that donated various items, to Melrose Reception Centre who were very supportive and attentive, to the guests themselves, for coming along and being a part of it all. I witnessed amazing support, Sue Gatt, who literally did half of the work, Emma Kellett, for being MC, Harley Gatt, for being DJ, Glenn Manton, for attending, John Gatt, for helping to set up, Pauline Furrugia, for sourcing some auction items, Alicia Crossley, for taking the photographs, Paige Crossley and Suzie Attard, for selling raffle tickets, and Victor, Louise and Geoff Tonna, for counting the money. It was a night that oozed goodness.
If that wasn't enough, a few days after the event I received an email from Whitelion Mentoring to say they were so touched by Jess Heard's story (featured in our last edition) that they would like to donate their share of the profits to Tommi - wow! Despite what mainstream media might have us believe, clearly the world and its people have a lot of potential.
We raised just under $2000 that night, not a huge amount in the greater scheme of things, but substantial. However, we also raised awareness, and lifted people's spirit by showing them a positive side to human nature.
It's not everyday you get to witness a perfect world, and I think I had the privilege of doing just that on that fateful day. For an entire five hours, the world that I was a part of was indeed perfect to me. I witnessed courage - so much courage, Purple Heroes: Sue Gatt, Jess Heard, Glenn Manton, Hope Gatt, John-Paul Cauchi, Carmen Testa and Fran Merckel, graced us with their presence as we recounted their inspirational stories. I witnessed loyalty, over 100 people came out on a Thursday night to help raise money and awareness. I witnessed incredible generosity, from the organisations that donated various items, to Melrose Reception Centre who were very supportive and attentive, to the guests themselves, for coming along and being a part of it all. I witnessed amazing support, Sue Gatt, who literally did half of the work, Emma Kellett, for being MC, Harley Gatt, for being DJ, Glenn Manton, for attending, John Gatt, for helping to set up, Pauline Furrugia, for sourcing some auction items, Alicia Crossley, for taking the photographs, Paige Crossley and Suzie Attard, for selling raffle tickets, and Victor, Louise and Geoff Tonna, for counting the money. It was a night that oozed goodness.
If that wasn't enough, a few days after the event I received an email from Whitelion Mentoring to say they were so touched by Jess Heard's story (featured in our last edition) that they would like to donate their share of the profits to Tommi - wow! Despite what mainstream media might have us believe, clearly the world and its people have a lot of potential.
We raised just under $2000 that night, not a huge amount in the greater scheme of things, but substantial. However, we also raised awareness, and lifted people's spirit by showing them a positive side to human nature.
SPONSORS
I'd like to publicly thank our sponsors, without whom, this event would not have been possible.
ALLENS MUSIC LOMBARDS ROLLY POLLY JEWELERY COLLINGWOOD FOOTBALL CLUB
WOOLLEY APPLIANCE SERVICES CATHERINE MANUAL GLADESTONE PARK SQUASH CLUB
AMF BOWLING MELROSE RECEPTION CENTRE FISHER AND PYKLE SHEREE BROOME
SUE GATT SEASOL ESSENDON FOOTBALL CLUB PAULINE FURRUGIA
ALLENS MUSIC LOMBARDS ROLLY POLLY JEWELERY COLLINGWOOD FOOTBALL CLUB
WOOLLEY APPLIANCE SERVICES CATHERINE MANUAL GLADESTONE PARK SQUASH CLUB
AMF BOWLING MELROSE RECEPTION CENTRE FISHER AND PYKLE SHEREE BROOME
SUE GATT SEASOL ESSENDON FOOTBALL CLUB PAULINE FURRUGIA
FROM THE EDITOR
Hello Everyone,
Another three months behind us. We've had a visit from the Queen, Obama, even Liz Hurley and Shane Warne. I hope this edition of
'Essentially Me' inspires you to visit your inner-self and ask the question: Am I everything I can be right now?
If you didn't read the article 'Magic Beads', you wouldn't know that I am recently separated: five months on, I feel I need to say it out loud to release myself from its shackles. It hasn't been an easy road but a necessary one. Expectedly, I struggled with the transition at first. Like knives being thrown at the spinning girl at the circus, intense feelings, issues and challenges were thrown at me while my emotions spun and struggled to adapt. And then a wise lady told me that separation is like a death, and we must experience the stages of grief before we can move on. It helped. I've discovered it's important to face my adversity before I am able to overcome it, and hopefully evolve and achieve beyond the problem. With this in mind, I am determined to get on with it and find my place in society.
I guess my point is that we should recognise everyone's life is a kaleidoscope of experiences which inspires an array of emotions, and the secret to getting through minimally damaged might be to pay attention to the intricate patterns that each colour makes, not so much to the dark colours alone.
And, give ourselves time. When we look at the big picture, often it's consoling - we've grown from the experience; we're ultimately better off; we've become stronger.
I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm certainly not saying that I have all the answers. But, I have the privilege of listening to many inspirational people who have come through overwhelming experiences and often they find comfort in helping others, or in knowing some good has come from their misfortune, and knowing they are not alone. So it's also about sharing stories and asking for help.
Importantly, remembering we are united in our healing.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas
Thanks for coming
Louise Crossley
Another three months behind us. We've had a visit from the Queen, Obama, even Liz Hurley and Shane Warne. I hope this edition of
'Essentially Me' inspires you to visit your inner-self and ask the question: Am I everything I can be right now?
If you didn't read the article 'Magic Beads', you wouldn't know that I am recently separated: five months on, I feel I need to say it out loud to release myself from its shackles. It hasn't been an easy road but a necessary one. Expectedly, I struggled with the transition at first. Like knives being thrown at the spinning girl at the circus, intense feelings, issues and challenges were thrown at me while my emotions spun and struggled to adapt. And then a wise lady told me that separation is like a death, and we must experience the stages of grief before we can move on. It helped. I've discovered it's important to face my adversity before I am able to overcome it, and hopefully evolve and achieve beyond the problem. With this in mind, I am determined to get on with it and find my place in society.
I guess my point is that we should recognise everyone's life is a kaleidoscope of experiences which inspires an array of emotions, and the secret to getting through minimally damaged might be to pay attention to the intricate patterns that each colour makes, not so much to the dark colours alone.
And, give ourselves time. When we look at the big picture, often it's consoling - we've grown from the experience; we're ultimately better off; we've become stronger.
I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm certainly not saying that I have all the answers. But, I have the privilege of listening to many inspirational people who have come through overwhelming experiences and often they find comfort in helping others, or in knowing some good has come from their misfortune, and knowing they are not alone. So it's also about sharing stories and asking for help.
Importantly, remembering we are united in our healing.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas
Thanks for coming
Louise Crossley