Spring Edition 2011
By John Paul Cauchi
8th September 2011
8th September 2011
Gooses make Excuses
Gooses make excuses. Despite its minor grammatical error, it was the one one-liner I had used to pull me through my final year of secondary education, the dreaded VCE. It’s so easy to say “I’m tired” or “I have no time” or “I’ll do it later”. But sadly, these are all excuses, excuses that are the cancer to success.
In mid 2004, when I was halfway through grade 6, my overweight, pack-a-day smoking dad was diagnosed with lymphoma of the bowel, a cancer of the lymphatic cells in the immune system. I distinctly remember the time he first told me that he was sick, in the car on the way home from school. I cried so much.
For the rest of the year and next, life was focused on him. He suffered terribly and mum held aloft the huge burden. It was only inevitable that he be placed in palliative care mid 2005. Each day from school, my sister and I would catch a bus straight to the hospital where we would meet our parents there. We’d stay till visiting hours ended and we’d catch the bus home as mum didn’t have her driver’s license. Too soon, this routine was broken. Suddenly one weekend, his condition deteriorated rapidly and as a family, we’d parked ourselves against his bed. After 3 consecutive days and nights at the hospital by his side, a family- friend had offered to take us home to shower and grab some clothes. Minutes after walking into the house, with mum in the shower, I’d naively answered her mobile to hear the voice of the nurse on duty. I cried. I screamed and cried and punched walls and cried. On Monday, the 14th of November 2005, at age 61 my father had died, leaving my mum widowed and 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter without a father.
On top of the emotional distress of it all, as I’m sure many can relate to, growing up with a single parent isn’t easy. Without dad, suddenly I was the man in the house. At his funeral, along with their much-appreciated condolences, many told me “to stay strong for your mother. Be strong for her” and I was determined to do so. I was always there for mum when she cried, when she was weak, when she needed a shoulder. But then who could I turn to do the same? It was all too much and I soon developed minor depression. For the best part of my junior teenage years, suicidal thoughts were daily occurrence. I was lost and had no direction. Getting out of bed each day was so difficult and life overall seemed horrible and cruel. And that’s because life can be horrible. It was agony I couldn’t control. I didn’t want to be sad but I was. Mental illness can be awful, it can suck the life out of you because it taps into what makes us human; conscious thought.
Time doesn’t stop when you’re sad. Time doesn’t stop when you’d like it to. I still had to go to school each day. Funnily enough, it was at school where I’d learnt to feel most normal. Everyone was the same, all in uniform, all just regular kids. So naturally that’s where I tried to put my mind. I’d chosen to focus on school. In year 8, I’d applied for an academic scholarship at the high school where I studied. This would cover all tuition costs for the remainder of my education, a total financial value of over $10,000. Of the 250 year-eights eligible, thirty or so were shortlisted to a final exam, and seven were selected based on a number of criterions to become recipients. When I’d received the congratulatory letter, I was filled with happiness, happiness I hadn’t felt in a long time.
My successes grew. In 2008 I’d collected a Victorian Champion gold medal in little athletics in a relay event. Later that year as a year 10, I was made a member of the Kwong Lee Dow Young Scholars program at the University of Melbourne in recognition of my academic potential. At the beginning of 2009, fresh into year 11, I was selected from my entire high school as the Pierre de Coubertin Award recipient, an award given to one student from each college in Victoria recognising excellence in sporting aspirations and sportsmanship, an initiative by the Australian Olympic Committee. Late 2009, deep into year 11, I was elected the President of the College’s Student Representative Council for the year 2010, the most prestigious leadership role on offer at my high school. To cap it off, in 2010, I achieved an ATAR that placed me in the top 5% of the state and was dux runner up for my high school.
Misfortune can often be a blessing in disguise. Tragedy can bring about huge growth in character and maturity. You become more resilient and focused. I learnt to appreciate the short time I have and despite my age, I felt wise and experienced. Life can be precarious, full of the unexpected. Be an optimist; look for the positive in every negative, though it be hard. Life’s too short to spend sulking and complaining. Ironic considering I had depression but these are the lessons you learn. Look for happiness wherever you can find it, be it during the highest of highs or lowest of lows.
In reflection, I realise that I’ve achieved so much. And none of it was by fluke or by chance. It all came down to downright basic good old hard work. Because success doesn’t come easy, it never just falls into your lap. You have to want it and you have to be willing to do what it takes to get it. There is really no reason why you cannot achieve what you want to. The only thing stopping you is yourself. It would be easy to say “I’m tired”, “I’ll do it later” or “I don’t have the time”. No doubt, it is easier to make excuses. But excuses don’t get you anywhere. Excuses are the cancer to success. And only gooses make excuses.
In mid 2004, when I was halfway through grade 6, my overweight, pack-a-day smoking dad was diagnosed with lymphoma of the bowel, a cancer of the lymphatic cells in the immune system. I distinctly remember the time he first told me that he was sick, in the car on the way home from school. I cried so much.
For the rest of the year and next, life was focused on him. He suffered terribly and mum held aloft the huge burden. It was only inevitable that he be placed in palliative care mid 2005. Each day from school, my sister and I would catch a bus straight to the hospital where we would meet our parents there. We’d stay till visiting hours ended and we’d catch the bus home as mum didn’t have her driver’s license. Too soon, this routine was broken. Suddenly one weekend, his condition deteriorated rapidly and as a family, we’d parked ourselves against his bed. After 3 consecutive days and nights at the hospital by his side, a family- friend had offered to take us home to shower and grab some clothes. Minutes after walking into the house, with mum in the shower, I’d naively answered her mobile to hear the voice of the nurse on duty. I cried. I screamed and cried and punched walls and cried. On Monday, the 14th of November 2005, at age 61 my father had died, leaving my mum widowed and 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter without a father.
On top of the emotional distress of it all, as I’m sure many can relate to, growing up with a single parent isn’t easy. Without dad, suddenly I was the man in the house. At his funeral, along with their much-appreciated condolences, many told me “to stay strong for your mother. Be strong for her” and I was determined to do so. I was always there for mum when she cried, when she was weak, when she needed a shoulder. But then who could I turn to do the same? It was all too much and I soon developed minor depression. For the best part of my junior teenage years, suicidal thoughts were daily occurrence. I was lost and had no direction. Getting out of bed each day was so difficult and life overall seemed horrible and cruel. And that’s because life can be horrible. It was agony I couldn’t control. I didn’t want to be sad but I was. Mental illness can be awful, it can suck the life out of you because it taps into what makes us human; conscious thought.
Time doesn’t stop when you’re sad. Time doesn’t stop when you’d like it to. I still had to go to school each day. Funnily enough, it was at school where I’d learnt to feel most normal. Everyone was the same, all in uniform, all just regular kids. So naturally that’s where I tried to put my mind. I’d chosen to focus on school. In year 8, I’d applied for an academic scholarship at the high school where I studied. This would cover all tuition costs for the remainder of my education, a total financial value of over $10,000. Of the 250 year-eights eligible, thirty or so were shortlisted to a final exam, and seven were selected based on a number of criterions to become recipients. When I’d received the congratulatory letter, I was filled with happiness, happiness I hadn’t felt in a long time.
My successes grew. In 2008 I’d collected a Victorian Champion gold medal in little athletics in a relay event. Later that year as a year 10, I was made a member of the Kwong Lee Dow Young Scholars program at the University of Melbourne in recognition of my academic potential. At the beginning of 2009, fresh into year 11, I was selected from my entire high school as the Pierre de Coubertin Award recipient, an award given to one student from each college in Victoria recognising excellence in sporting aspirations and sportsmanship, an initiative by the Australian Olympic Committee. Late 2009, deep into year 11, I was elected the President of the College’s Student Representative Council for the year 2010, the most prestigious leadership role on offer at my high school. To cap it off, in 2010, I achieved an ATAR that placed me in the top 5% of the state and was dux runner up for my high school.
Misfortune can often be a blessing in disguise. Tragedy can bring about huge growth in character and maturity. You become more resilient and focused. I learnt to appreciate the short time I have and despite my age, I felt wise and experienced. Life can be precarious, full of the unexpected. Be an optimist; look for the positive in every negative, though it be hard. Life’s too short to spend sulking and complaining. Ironic considering I had depression but these are the lessons you learn. Look for happiness wherever you can find it, be it during the highest of highs or lowest of lows.
In reflection, I realise that I’ve achieved so much. And none of it was by fluke or by chance. It all came down to downright basic good old hard work. Because success doesn’t come easy, it never just falls into your lap. You have to want it and you have to be willing to do what it takes to get it. There is really no reason why you cannot achieve what you want to. The only thing stopping you is yourself. It would be easy to say “I’m tired”, “I’ll do it later” or “I don’t have the time”. No doubt, it is easier to make excuses. But excuses don’t get you anywhere. Excuses are the cancer to success. And only gooses make excuses.
By Rudi Akkermans
8th September 2011
Suite B, 63 Wadham Parade
Mt. Waverley 3149
Tel: (03) 9888 3239
Mob: 0466 996 183
8th September 2011
Suite B, 63 Wadham Parade
Mt. Waverley 3149
Tel: (03) 9888 3239
Mob: 0466 996 183
Noose that Threatened Life, Transformed it
The year was 1996. I remember standing in my garage with a rope around my neck wanting to end the indescribable suffering. The thought of my then little girl being fatherless luckily stopped me from taking my own life. Some time later I looked at my bedside table and in a rare moment of clarity noticed it was entirely taken up by containers and packets of medication. It dawned on me that at 30 years of age I was way too young to be taking that amount of antidepressants, anti-anxieties, sleeping tablets and whatever else was there. The question arose; what the hell am I doing to myself? With that question came a curiosity; who is the ‘I‘ that is asking the question and who is the ‘myself’ in relation to the ‘I’? If I can dig myself in such a dark hole I can surely not only climb out of it but indeed take it to the opposite and ‘fly’. Another question that came to me regularly was: Is this all that life is? Are we just organic beings that are born and die or is there more to life than eat, work, sleep?
My questions were answered by one of the most precious gifts I received a few years later. I was working in the hospitality industry and was interviewing kitchen hands. I had already interviewed two people when ‘my gift’ walked through the door. I knew the moment she walked in the door that she was the one. I hired her and we worked together for close to two years which was to be a period of profound transformation. She introduced me to spiritual teachings and gave me the foundation for the rest of my life. She remains my savior and dearest friend. Thank you Tania!
The journey of self discovery had begun and the first thing I did with this newly discovered awareness was to find out how I got myself into this mess. I was able to regress back to a time of great difficulty; my parent’s ugly divorce. The seed of self-destruction was planted by my father’s mother who condemned me for ‘looking just like my mother’. Of course I now understand that she had difficulty dealing with her distraught son, my father. She used to tell me I frown all the time and when leaving her house after our fortnightly visits to my father who lived with her, she used to give my brother $5 or $10. She gave me nothing more than a frown. As I was 10 years old I buried this in my deep subconscious as I was too young to be able to verbalise my feelings. Some years later during my apprenticeship I worked for Satan personified. My employer was a dark and miserable woman who took her own misery out on me by perpetually putting me down. Nothing was ever good enough no matter how hard I tried. The seed of self-destruction that was planted by my grandmother was being cultivated by my employer, but I was still too young to be able to express and understand what was happening to me. On top of that I had an older brother who rejected me because he was too busy with his own problems. Consequently I started believing I was less worthy and a life of low self esteem ensued. Fourteen years later the low self esteem had escalated to an unbearable low that lasted 3 years. It all seems like a lifetime ago now and the person I am today barely resembles who I was back then. My journey continued and I the next question that came to me was: What do I want to do more than anything else? I meditated on this question for some time and discovered that I wanted to help others discover their full potential. I had already read a pile of books on self-discovery, spirituality and growth but decided to study for a Psychology degree to gain an even greater awareness of the human psyche. I ended up with a double degree six years later. Not only had I learned more about the science of behavior but simultaneously proved to the doubters I was worthy after all. Since then I continued my journey that I now understand will last forever. I joined circles, groups, and workshops and did an intensive counseling course while I was studying for my degree. The course revealed even more about who I was and was transformative to say the least. Thank you Alannah! Shortly after completing my degree and counseling course I started working as a counselor helping people to achieve their full potential. I have done so for the last 6 years or so and recently joined an exciting new clinic where I work with other healthcare workers. I now know I will do this work forever as I continue to help and inspire others like I was once inspired. There is no greater reward then to see other people ‘get it’ through the raising of awareness and to see them change before your eyes. As for myself; I can’t wait to discover what else this incarnation will dish out. I use little mantras each day and pray for opportunities to continue growing. They usually come in the form of difficult situations or difficult people. I recognize them and thank the universe for these opportunities. I look forward to the day I no longer need them and feel I am approaching that day at a steady pace. I have learned that life is not about some illusive future goal or achievement but about the journey itself. The future and the past don’t exist; they are only present in our thinking. The present moment is all we ever have. Life is good even if it sometimes has the appearance of being bad. See everything as an opportunity for growth, especially the hard things as they teach you about patience, tolerance and resilience.
With Love and Light
Rudi
My questions were answered by one of the most precious gifts I received a few years later. I was working in the hospitality industry and was interviewing kitchen hands. I had already interviewed two people when ‘my gift’ walked through the door. I knew the moment she walked in the door that she was the one. I hired her and we worked together for close to two years which was to be a period of profound transformation. She introduced me to spiritual teachings and gave me the foundation for the rest of my life. She remains my savior and dearest friend. Thank you Tania!
The journey of self discovery had begun and the first thing I did with this newly discovered awareness was to find out how I got myself into this mess. I was able to regress back to a time of great difficulty; my parent’s ugly divorce. The seed of self-destruction was planted by my father’s mother who condemned me for ‘looking just like my mother’. Of course I now understand that she had difficulty dealing with her distraught son, my father. She used to tell me I frown all the time and when leaving her house after our fortnightly visits to my father who lived with her, she used to give my brother $5 or $10. She gave me nothing more than a frown. As I was 10 years old I buried this in my deep subconscious as I was too young to be able to verbalise my feelings. Some years later during my apprenticeship I worked for Satan personified. My employer was a dark and miserable woman who took her own misery out on me by perpetually putting me down. Nothing was ever good enough no matter how hard I tried. The seed of self-destruction that was planted by my grandmother was being cultivated by my employer, but I was still too young to be able to express and understand what was happening to me. On top of that I had an older brother who rejected me because he was too busy with his own problems. Consequently I started believing I was less worthy and a life of low self esteem ensued. Fourteen years later the low self esteem had escalated to an unbearable low that lasted 3 years. It all seems like a lifetime ago now and the person I am today barely resembles who I was back then. My journey continued and I the next question that came to me was: What do I want to do more than anything else? I meditated on this question for some time and discovered that I wanted to help others discover their full potential. I had already read a pile of books on self-discovery, spirituality and growth but decided to study for a Psychology degree to gain an even greater awareness of the human psyche. I ended up with a double degree six years later. Not only had I learned more about the science of behavior but simultaneously proved to the doubters I was worthy after all. Since then I continued my journey that I now understand will last forever. I joined circles, groups, and workshops and did an intensive counseling course while I was studying for my degree. The course revealed even more about who I was and was transformative to say the least. Thank you Alannah! Shortly after completing my degree and counseling course I started working as a counselor helping people to achieve their full potential. I have done so for the last 6 years or so and recently joined an exciting new clinic where I work with other healthcare workers. I now know I will do this work forever as I continue to help and inspire others like I was once inspired. There is no greater reward then to see other people ‘get it’ through the raising of awareness and to see them change before your eyes. As for myself; I can’t wait to discover what else this incarnation will dish out. I use little mantras each day and pray for opportunities to continue growing. They usually come in the form of difficult situations or difficult people. I recognize them and thank the universe for these opportunities. I look forward to the day I no longer need them and feel I am approaching that day at a steady pace. I have learned that life is not about some illusive future goal or achievement but about the journey itself. The future and the past don’t exist; they are only present in our thinking. The present moment is all we ever have. Life is good even if it sometimes has the appearance of being bad. See everything as an opportunity for growth, especially the hard things as they teach you about patience, tolerance and resilience.
With Love and Light
Rudi
By Karen Tyrrell
8th September 2011
http://www.karentyrrell.com
8th September 2011
http://www.karentyrrell.com
Mental Health Advocate
Six years ago Police arrived at my covert motel hideaway, thumping on the door, insisting I give myself up. An ambulance forcibly escorted me to a psyche hospital in Brisbane, where they incarcerated me away from my family.
Let me take you back to when it all began. In 2005, after being repeatedly harassed by parents at my school, my personality began to change. I became extremely stressed and anxious, developing acute insomnia and unpredictable panic attacks. I feared returning to teaching but conversely I developed hypomania, feeling absolutely euphoric, developing an obsessive compulsion to write.
Passionately, I began creating ME AND HER: a Memoir of Madness. My stable side was ME ─ teacher, writer, mother and my other side, HER ─ manic, psychic, healer to the living, telepathic to the dead … and I was very psychotic.
While in a psyche hospital, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder. When I accepted my diagnosis, my journey to recovery began. I sought treatment and attended therapy sessions with one goal in mind, to become well again. Writing became cathartic as I strove to deliver my message of recovery to others. After I left hospital I joined a writers group and enlisted in writing courses. I was determined to see ME AND HER published.
I developed a wellness plan which included a healthy lifestyle of daily exercise, a balanced diet and pro-active strategies to minimize stress. I maintained a calm nightly routine to receive my full quota of restful sleep. My doctor tells his mental health patients about my victory over Bipolar Disorder, to provide hope.
Two years ago, I 'came out' online and became a mental health advocate. Friends and writers rallied around me, encouraging me to be brave and speak honestly about my personal experiences. I aimed to help those struggling with mental health issues, by humanising the face of mental illness and reducing their perceived stigma. My stories of hope were published twice on Beyond Blue's website and in The Happiness Institute's eNewsletter reaching 12 thousand subscribers.
In 2009, I became the co-ordinator to Logan Crime Writers club, teaching critiquing skills to my members. In March 2010, I started up a wider writing collective in my local community, Logan City Writers to support and encourage emerging writers. We now have over 90 members in the group. Later in October, 2010 I organised and presented the very successful Logan Writers Week festival.Logan City Council awarded me two RADF grants to develop my writing craft and Logan Libraries presented me six opportunities to speak on panels, at workshops and author sessions.
My mental health advocacy, my community involvement and creative writing have now merged.In August/ September, 2011 I presented a series of mental health Life Writing workshops to mental health patients, teaching them writing skills, giving them a voice. I visited mental health wards at hospitals in Brisbane, delivering two writing sessions per week. I hope this pilot program will be continued.
I've travelled so far along my personal journey, recovering from severe Bipolar Disorder. Each day I shout to the world, 'You can triumph from the grips of mental illness and live a balanced, healthy life.'
My ultimate dream is to see ME AND HER: a Memoir of Madness published, and share my positive message of hope and triumph. I'm proud to say publishers are now considering five of my books which Sally Odgers, a professional editor, positively assessed and reviewed.
"My mental health advocacy, my community involvement and creative writing have now merged. In 2011, I developed a Life Writing program for mental health patients, which teaches them writing skills, giving them a voice. On the 2nd October, I will begin visiting a mental health ward at a Brisbane hospital, delivering two writing workshops per week. I hope this pilot program will be continued."
Let me take you back to when it all began. In 2005, after being repeatedly harassed by parents at my school, my personality began to change. I became extremely stressed and anxious, developing acute insomnia and unpredictable panic attacks. I feared returning to teaching but conversely I developed hypomania, feeling absolutely euphoric, developing an obsessive compulsion to write.
Passionately, I began creating ME AND HER: a Memoir of Madness. My stable side was ME ─ teacher, writer, mother and my other side, HER ─ manic, psychic, healer to the living, telepathic to the dead … and I was very psychotic.
While in a psyche hospital, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder. When I accepted my diagnosis, my journey to recovery began. I sought treatment and attended therapy sessions with one goal in mind, to become well again. Writing became cathartic as I strove to deliver my message of recovery to others. After I left hospital I joined a writers group and enlisted in writing courses. I was determined to see ME AND HER published.
I developed a wellness plan which included a healthy lifestyle of daily exercise, a balanced diet and pro-active strategies to minimize stress. I maintained a calm nightly routine to receive my full quota of restful sleep. My doctor tells his mental health patients about my victory over Bipolar Disorder, to provide hope.
Two years ago, I 'came out' online and became a mental health advocate. Friends and writers rallied around me, encouraging me to be brave and speak honestly about my personal experiences. I aimed to help those struggling with mental health issues, by humanising the face of mental illness and reducing their perceived stigma. My stories of hope were published twice on Beyond Blue's website and in The Happiness Institute's eNewsletter reaching 12 thousand subscribers.
In 2009, I became the co-ordinator to Logan Crime Writers club, teaching critiquing skills to my members. In March 2010, I started up a wider writing collective in my local community, Logan City Writers to support and encourage emerging writers. We now have over 90 members in the group. Later in October, 2010 I organised and presented the very successful Logan Writers Week festival.Logan City Council awarded me two RADF grants to develop my writing craft and Logan Libraries presented me six opportunities to speak on panels, at workshops and author sessions.
My mental health advocacy, my community involvement and creative writing have now merged.In August/ September, 2011 I presented a series of mental health Life Writing workshops to mental health patients, teaching them writing skills, giving them a voice. I visited mental health wards at hospitals in Brisbane, delivering two writing sessions per week. I hope this pilot program will be continued.
I've travelled so far along my personal journey, recovering from severe Bipolar Disorder. Each day I shout to the world, 'You can triumph from the grips of mental illness and live a balanced, healthy life.'
My ultimate dream is to see ME AND HER: a Memoir of Madness published, and share my positive message of hope and triumph. I'm proud to say publishers are now considering five of my books which Sally Odgers, a professional editor, positively assessed and reviewed.
"My mental health advocacy, my community involvement and creative writing have now merged. In 2011, I developed a Life Writing program for mental health patients, which teaches them writing skills, giving them a voice. On the 2nd October, I will begin visiting a mental health ward at a Brisbane hospital, delivering two writing workshops per week. I hope this pilot program will be continued."
Only Stem-High to a Lavender, but a Purple Hero
Tommi was born on the 9th of June 2010 at 5:09pm after a 22hr labour, mummy was very tired! He was just gorgeous! I watched him study Bob’s face and his surrounds for the very first time. I couldn’t believe that this gorgeous little man was growing inside me for 42 weeks, even though my belly was getting bigger and bigger each week, it didn’t feel real that I was going to have an actual baby!
As the months passed by, Tommi missed his milestones, he wasn’t sitting, rolling or taking much weight on his feet and we started to worry. He was a big baby so we weren’t overly concerned at first.
Tommi was having major problems using his bowel, so we saw our G.P. who gave us a referral to a Paediatrician. Tommi’s head circumference had jumped percentiles which set off alarm bells straight away. We didn’t know this at the time, but that is one of the 1st indicators of a neurological disorder. We were sent for a CT scan, MRI, numerous blood tests, ultrasounds and finally an Ophthalmologist (eye) test which found a (cherry) red spot on Tommi’s retina which is a diagnosing factor of Tay-Sachs.
What is Tay-Sachs Disease?
Tay-Sachs disease is a fatal genetic lipid storage disorder in which harmful quantities of a fatty substance called ganglioside GM2 build up in tissue and nerve cells in the brain. The condition is caused by insufficient activity of an enzyme called beta-hexosaminidase A (Hex A) that breaks down fatty materials known as gangliosides. Gangliosides are made and biodegraded rapidly in early life as the brain develops.Infants with Tay-Sachs disease appear to develop normally for the first few months of life. Then, as nerve cells become distended with fatty material, a relentless deterioration of mental and physical abilities occurs. The child becomes blind, deaf, and unable to swallow. Muscles begin to atrophy and paralysis sets in. Other neurological symptoms include, seizures, and an increased startle
reflex to noise. Persons with Tay-Sachs also have "cherry-red" spots in their eyes. The incidence of Tay-Sachs is particularly high among people of Eastern European and Askhenazi Jewish descent. Patients and carriers of Tay-Sachs disease can be identified by a simple blood test that measures beta-hexosaminidase A activity. Both parents must carry the mutated gene in order to have an affected child. In these instances, there is a 25 percent chance with each pregnancy that the child will be affected with Tay-Sachs disease. Prenatal diagnosis is available if desired.
Is there any treatment?
Presently there is no treatment for Tay-Sachs disease. Anticonvulsant medicine may initially control seizures. Other supportive treatment includes proper nutrition and hydration and techniques to keep the airway open. Children may eventually need a feeding tube.
What is the prognosis?
Even with the best of care, children with Tay-Sachs disease usually die by age 4, from recurring infection.
I rang the Paediatrician a few weeks after the test as we hadn’t heard from him in a while (no news is good news...usually) and he wanted to meet with us at the hospital. Previously he had rang us and told us the results were negative so straight away I knew it was bad. Writing this down now I feel so overwhelmed with emotion, remembering our day in Hell. The Paediatrician had organised a private room in the hospital with a social worker. He told us that Tommi is likely to have a Lysosomal Storage Disease. (I had researched these diseases previously; however there are over 50 so I couldn’t recall each one, I just knew they were all bad) We had to wait for a blood test to come back to confirm Tay-Sachs. Our whole world came crashing down as we were told that our little boy may not live past 2.
We arranged an appointment with a geneticist at the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne for the next day. She explained the disease to us and that there is no treatment or cure Tay-Sachs. She told us to take him home and let him die in peace.
It was a big week. Many, many tears were shed (and every day since).
One day I woke up, took a deep breath and began to research again. My cousin helped me contact doctors in America who had treated children with Tay-Sachs with cord blood transplants and some were still alive. This bought us hope to continue to look for some kind of treatment for Tommi. Eventually we found Aspen Brown’s website on the internet who had travelled to Peru with her parents for experimental Stem Cell treatment and appeared to have gained skills. This excited me so much; I swiftly contacted the doctors that treated Aspen- Dr. Burton Feinerman and Dr. Javier Paino. The treatment would cost $32,500 (American) plus costs.
Against all advice from Australian doctors, we decided we were going. There was no way we were going to let him die without a big fight.
Our friends and family started the major effort to begin fundraising. In 3 days we had raised over $10,000 in donations and in 9 weeks we raised over an incredible $60,000! The community of Ballarat (where we live) and surrounding areas have been so generous to our family; I still can’t fathom how lucky we have been in such an awful time in our life.
On the 16th of August we travelled to Los Angeles, where we took Tommi to Disneyland and made so many lovely memories. From there we flew to Lima, Peru where Tommi would commence the procedure. It was a very scary time, as we were unsure how Tommi would react.
Tommi was to get an injection into his spinal cord containing a viral vector, that is suppose to infect his brain cells with Hex A. Keep in mind that this is all experimental.
Tommi came out of the procedure well, with only a sore back from the needle. After the 2nd treatment, we think Tommi said his first word. ‘Dad’ He was standing, taking weight on his feet and controlling his eyes better. We were very excited, as was Dr. Feinerman!
Compared to the other children that were in Lima with us, Tommi had the best chance of positive changes as he was younger and hadn’t progressed as far in the disease.
We will be heading back to Peru in 6 months time, depending on how Tommi progresses, but hopefully Tommi won’t start to decline, we won’t have to go back to Peru and he will be the first infantile Tay-Sachs sufferer to live on and do unbelievable things. Miracles DO happen!
Bob and I are doing everything we can for our little man. We will fight for him and try everything possible to delay the progression of awful symptoms and of course death. He is an Angel who constantly inspires me and others around him. He is unlike any other child his age as he can’t walk or talk however I feel he is beyond his years. He looks deeply into our eyes to speak to us, and shows us so much love through a smile, touch or loving look. I can’t imagine life without him; I don’t want to even consider it. If and when the time comes (which I pray, wish, hope, cross everything, that it doesn’t) we will have to come to terms with the fact that God may need Tommi in Heaven more than we do on Earth.
Please God let me keep him.
As the months passed by, Tommi missed his milestones, he wasn’t sitting, rolling or taking much weight on his feet and we started to worry. He was a big baby so we weren’t overly concerned at first.
Tommi was having major problems using his bowel, so we saw our G.P. who gave us a referral to a Paediatrician. Tommi’s head circumference had jumped percentiles which set off alarm bells straight away. We didn’t know this at the time, but that is one of the 1st indicators of a neurological disorder. We were sent for a CT scan, MRI, numerous blood tests, ultrasounds and finally an Ophthalmologist (eye) test which found a (cherry) red spot on Tommi’s retina which is a diagnosing factor of Tay-Sachs.
What is Tay-Sachs Disease?
Tay-Sachs disease is a fatal genetic lipid storage disorder in which harmful quantities of a fatty substance called ganglioside GM2 build up in tissue and nerve cells in the brain. The condition is caused by insufficient activity of an enzyme called beta-hexosaminidase A (Hex A) that breaks down fatty materials known as gangliosides. Gangliosides are made and biodegraded rapidly in early life as the brain develops.Infants with Tay-Sachs disease appear to develop normally for the first few months of life. Then, as nerve cells become distended with fatty material, a relentless deterioration of mental and physical abilities occurs. The child becomes blind, deaf, and unable to swallow. Muscles begin to atrophy and paralysis sets in. Other neurological symptoms include, seizures, and an increased startle
reflex to noise. Persons with Tay-Sachs also have "cherry-red" spots in their eyes. The incidence of Tay-Sachs is particularly high among people of Eastern European and Askhenazi Jewish descent. Patients and carriers of Tay-Sachs disease can be identified by a simple blood test that measures beta-hexosaminidase A activity. Both parents must carry the mutated gene in order to have an affected child. In these instances, there is a 25 percent chance with each pregnancy that the child will be affected with Tay-Sachs disease. Prenatal diagnosis is available if desired.
Is there any treatment?
Presently there is no treatment for Tay-Sachs disease. Anticonvulsant medicine may initially control seizures. Other supportive treatment includes proper nutrition and hydration and techniques to keep the airway open. Children may eventually need a feeding tube.
What is the prognosis?
Even with the best of care, children with Tay-Sachs disease usually die by age 4, from recurring infection.
I rang the Paediatrician a few weeks after the test as we hadn’t heard from him in a while (no news is good news...usually) and he wanted to meet with us at the hospital. Previously he had rang us and told us the results were negative so straight away I knew it was bad. Writing this down now I feel so overwhelmed with emotion, remembering our day in Hell. The Paediatrician had organised a private room in the hospital with a social worker. He told us that Tommi is likely to have a Lysosomal Storage Disease. (I had researched these diseases previously; however there are over 50 so I couldn’t recall each one, I just knew they were all bad) We had to wait for a blood test to come back to confirm Tay-Sachs. Our whole world came crashing down as we were told that our little boy may not live past 2.
We arranged an appointment with a geneticist at the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne for the next day. She explained the disease to us and that there is no treatment or cure Tay-Sachs. She told us to take him home and let him die in peace.
It was a big week. Many, many tears were shed (and every day since).
One day I woke up, took a deep breath and began to research again. My cousin helped me contact doctors in America who had treated children with Tay-Sachs with cord blood transplants and some were still alive. This bought us hope to continue to look for some kind of treatment for Tommi. Eventually we found Aspen Brown’s website on the internet who had travelled to Peru with her parents for experimental Stem Cell treatment and appeared to have gained skills. This excited me so much; I swiftly contacted the doctors that treated Aspen- Dr. Burton Feinerman and Dr. Javier Paino. The treatment would cost $32,500 (American) plus costs.
Against all advice from Australian doctors, we decided we were going. There was no way we were going to let him die without a big fight.
Our friends and family started the major effort to begin fundraising. In 3 days we had raised over $10,000 in donations and in 9 weeks we raised over an incredible $60,000! The community of Ballarat (where we live) and surrounding areas have been so generous to our family; I still can’t fathom how lucky we have been in such an awful time in our life.
On the 16th of August we travelled to Los Angeles, where we took Tommi to Disneyland and made so many lovely memories. From there we flew to Lima, Peru where Tommi would commence the procedure. It was a very scary time, as we were unsure how Tommi would react.
Tommi was to get an injection into his spinal cord containing a viral vector, that is suppose to infect his brain cells with Hex A. Keep in mind that this is all experimental.
Tommi came out of the procedure well, with only a sore back from the needle. After the 2nd treatment, we think Tommi said his first word. ‘Dad’ He was standing, taking weight on his feet and controlling his eyes better. We were very excited, as was Dr. Feinerman!
Compared to the other children that were in Lima with us, Tommi had the best chance of positive changes as he was younger and hadn’t progressed as far in the disease.
We will be heading back to Peru in 6 months time, depending on how Tommi progresses, but hopefully Tommi won’t start to decline, we won’t have to go back to Peru and he will be the first infantile Tay-Sachs sufferer to live on and do unbelievable things. Miracles DO happen!
Bob and I are doing everything we can for our little man. We will fight for him and try everything possible to delay the progression of awful symptoms and of course death. He is an Angel who constantly inspires me and others around him. He is unlike any other child his age as he can’t walk or talk however I feel he is beyond his years. He looks deeply into our eyes to speak to us, and shows us so much love through a smile, touch or loving look. I can’t imagine life without him; I don’t want to even consider it. If and when the time comes (which I pray, wish, hope, cross everything, that it doesn’t) we will have to come to terms with the fact that God may need Tommi in Heaven more than we do on Earth.
Please God let me keep him.
Famous Bakery's Infectious Baker
Tom O'Toole is the founder of Victoria's Beechworth Bakery. He experienced poverty, self loathing and crisis but managed to come through the other side and find happiness and self respect.
In conversation with Tom O'Toole:
If you had a crystal ball and could see how difficult some parts of your life would be, would you do it again?Ah, if I had a crystal ball would I do it again? Probably. It's what made me today. It's what made me the person I am today - the past has made my future. Trouble is, probably do it a little bit different, but - look - I think that it's funny, I often think that when my first wife left me, if I was asked? Look, I got two wonderful daughters from that and even though I was as much to blame as Carol for our marriage breaking up, but I have a wonderful marriage today - been happily married today for 25 years; you know, one day at a time, some days I think - oh - I wanna run away but most of the time I'm pretty happy. I have two wonderful boys and happy in me skin and I wouldn't have had the life I have today if I hadn't had a lot of disasters. I wouldn't have learnt to ask for help; wouldn't have this awareness that I have today and I wouldn't have had it, so if I had a crystal ball and could see - boy - wouldn't wanna go through some of the stuff but if I knew I was gonna come out with the life I lead today - yes - I would do it all again.
To readers going through difficult times and feeling like they can't manage, what do yo say to them?It will pass! It will pass! Cause nothing is forever, ya know? It will pass! You know, I met someone in a business last week - really - they were shaky, you know? Their business had plateaued and nothing was happening. That's life! You know, it plateaus. It gives up. It goes down and this is just like that. If someone's going through hell just keep going, cause you will come out the other side. One way or another, just keep going. One of the greatest things I learnt was to ask for help, and often we're in there and we can't see a way out. It's so dark and gloomy and ah, it ain't much fun. My lawyer made me promise I would ring up Lifeline and I did, and I learnt I had to ask for help and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do is ask for help. But when it's dark and gloomy we want people to be able to read our minds - can't they see we're hurtn'? But people often can't see, so you need to tell someone: look, I'm in trouble here. I'm not coping and I don't know what to do. And often we don't do that, we sit there getting resentful and angry and depressed and suicidal, because no one can see the hurt that we're in - course they can't see the hurt, we haven't let anybody know of it - the facade we put up. So if you're going (through hard times), go and ask somebody. We get it all wrong. I thought I was the only one but when I got out there and asked for help, there was other people in the same boat - I couldn't believe it! There was other people hurtn' - couldn't believe it! One of the best ways I found to get me out of it - one of the best ways - was to help somebody else. If I help somebody else, that gets me outa' meself - so full of self pity; so full of resentment, and anger; so full of - you know - poor me. The more I give the more I get, you know, I go to the jail every week. I'm at the jail every week - I've been going to the jail for years, and there for the the grace of God go I. I'm no saint but I just go in because if I can go out of myself and see that there's other people going through hell, it gets me out of me and outa' the poor me, and all me little pity parties, it makes me grateful.
When I'm grateful, I have energy. If I'm not grateful, I'm shity and cranky and no energy, no motivation, no enthusiasm. So have that attitude of gratitude. If I'm grateful, I have energy, if I'm ungrateful - no energy. There's always someone worse off then you. I was in hospital yesterday meeting a mate of mine - he's 53, two young boys and bowel cancer, he hasn't got the results back, the blood tests, ya know? We've only all got today so just enjoy today, just now. Yet here we are living in the future regretting the past. Or, living the the past, scared of the future and all we have is now! Just live in the now. And it's very difficult to live in the now, it's not easy. So if you're going through hell, keep going. It will pass.
Have you got regrets?I regret...I probably wasn't a better father, but then, now, I look at it, I have grown up kids and they all love me and they tell me they love me, so you know I - oh boy - I wasn't a bad father. I worked too much, I put too much into the business, but it gave the kids a wonderful life - I've taken them to Disneyworld, Disneyland, to Europe and to Asia and Fiji and then Cook Island, New Zealand - yeah - I've been to many, many countries with my kids but it just (as good) to meet them up and down the paddock - they're just as happy with mum and dad, they love all that stuff but they just wanna be with mum and dad. Regrets, do I have regrets? I've lost me temper sometimes, immensely - ah - I hate losing me temper, so that's a regret. I've shattered some people with me eyes poppin out of me head and veins sticking outa' me neck and ah, scared the hell out of people when I've lost it, and over what? How important was it? Hasn't been important at all but I've decided to bloody lose it all together, so am, I regret losing my temper.
How do I deal with that? I try to be a better person today - try to be a better father, I'm a good grandfather, you know? I stir them up and I love them heaps and - oh - I can hand them back after I've stirred them up, it annoys my daughters.
How do I handle those regrets? It's past, it's history, yes, it's history. I can't do a thing about yesterday, it's gone forever, beyond me control. Can't do a bloody thing about it, you know, it's history, tomorrow's a mystery and the sun will rise either way - with sunshine or behind a mask of clouds but until it does, I've no stake in tomorrow what so ever, so that only leaves me today. Anyone can get through the battles of one day, it's just when you join them - yesterday and tomorrow together - that's when you go mad. I know, I've been there. Live every day as if it's your last, one day you're gonna be right. I have to let go. For me, I pray. I believe very much in the power of prayer. You know, I think God can forgive me, so I've gotta learn to forgive myself. Learn to say sorry and just get on with it and try to be a better person for today with no remorse and guilt and no regret and no resentments and probably no anger. So try to be a better person today. Be at peace with meself.
How do you recognise the positive in people and ignore the negative things they have done?Well, it does me no good to think it the other way: Tom, yar' being Pollyanna! No, thinking positive thoughts gives me a positive life; I think negative thoughts, I get negativity in me life. So I tried to stay positive.
I've never, ever learnt the alphabet. My grandson came home - he was at parent interview last night and he came to tea at our place and he just heard - he just heard, that I don't know the alphabet, and he was so excited and he is very, very dyslexic, and he was so excited that I didn't know the alphabet. Oh yes, I had such a chip on me shoulder I was lopsided. I had a fear of people, a massive fear of the unknown. Probably - fear of places and things, because of my learning difficulties, I always had to cover it with anger; I was scared they were going to find out I didn't know the alphabet and ah, it's embarrassing when your seven year old grandson finds out you don't know the alphabet. So I always covered it with - probably - with a facade that...don't get too close to me.
I don't go judging anybody. I see them as a human being, as a person and I don't go seeing them as an ego maniac or a pain in the ass, seeing them as a criminal, you know? Who am I? Who am I to judge anybody.
I learnt some from my dad. I learnt a lot when my wife left. When my wife left I started working on meself and I did a course on self awareness, basic communication with Lifeline and I did a counseling course with Lifeline - never went on the phones, but I did it to get life skills, I needed life skills.
Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I think: he's a pain in the ass, or boy his full of himself. I pull myself up - restart - restart. Who am I to judge anyone? Sometimes I forget, I forget, and I'm judging; that's crazy, that's insanity to judge. I often have to pray to remind myself. It's not automatic. Sometimes, I notice the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up so I'm a little bit scratchy. Now, I'm scratchy. You pick it up - restart - restart. So you gotta have that awareness of yourself: why am I scratchy?
Take a risk, smile, and it is a risk for some of us, but you gotta leave yourself open. I have to learn to like myself. I had to do a talk with 300 students at Deakin University - me son's university. And telling them I changed my name when I was 20 from Tool to O'Toole cause I got sick of being called dickhead. I changed because I didn't like myself. I got involved with Lifeline because I didn't like myself. They told me: Tom, you gotta look in the mirror telling yourself: I like myself, I like myself. It's bloody hard work, but that's what I had to do. Once I learned to love myself and like myself then I could be happy in me skin. When I'm happy in me skin then that radiates out there. I don't know, I'm as thick as bricks, but it's worked for me.
What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?Probably learning to tell me mum I loved her, how about that. I used to clash with my mum because she was much like me, real bushy. I learnt to tell my mum I loved her and I had 20 wonderful years with my mum and she died three years ago and I was with her when she died and it was wonderful.
Probably learning to love meself, learning to love somebody else. Learning to be happy in me skin. I had to learn to love myself before I could love my mum, before I could love my wife, before I could love my kids. Greatest achievement? being at peace with myself and raring to go and that is probably one of my greatest achievements, learning that I only got today and to be happy about it. You know, it aint that serious, you know? Enjoy it!
My business is very successful, I can talk about great achievement, me business runs without me. The business gives me today, all the freedom so I've had some great achievements. I have five grandkids that love seeing me, four kids that tell me that they love me, and that's magic.
In conversation with Tom O'Toole:
If you had a crystal ball and could see how difficult some parts of your life would be, would you do it again?Ah, if I had a crystal ball would I do it again? Probably. It's what made me today. It's what made me the person I am today - the past has made my future. Trouble is, probably do it a little bit different, but - look - I think that it's funny, I often think that when my first wife left me, if I was asked? Look, I got two wonderful daughters from that and even though I was as much to blame as Carol for our marriage breaking up, but I have a wonderful marriage today - been happily married today for 25 years; you know, one day at a time, some days I think - oh - I wanna run away but most of the time I'm pretty happy. I have two wonderful boys and happy in me skin and I wouldn't have had the life I have today if I hadn't had a lot of disasters. I wouldn't have learnt to ask for help; wouldn't have this awareness that I have today and I wouldn't have had it, so if I had a crystal ball and could see - boy - wouldn't wanna go through some of the stuff but if I knew I was gonna come out with the life I lead today - yes - I would do it all again.
To readers going through difficult times and feeling like they can't manage, what do yo say to them?It will pass! It will pass! Cause nothing is forever, ya know? It will pass! You know, I met someone in a business last week - really - they were shaky, you know? Their business had plateaued and nothing was happening. That's life! You know, it plateaus. It gives up. It goes down and this is just like that. If someone's going through hell just keep going, cause you will come out the other side. One way or another, just keep going. One of the greatest things I learnt was to ask for help, and often we're in there and we can't see a way out. It's so dark and gloomy and ah, it ain't much fun. My lawyer made me promise I would ring up Lifeline and I did, and I learnt I had to ask for help and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do is ask for help. But when it's dark and gloomy we want people to be able to read our minds - can't they see we're hurtn'? But people often can't see, so you need to tell someone: look, I'm in trouble here. I'm not coping and I don't know what to do. And often we don't do that, we sit there getting resentful and angry and depressed and suicidal, because no one can see the hurt that we're in - course they can't see the hurt, we haven't let anybody know of it - the facade we put up. So if you're going (through hard times), go and ask somebody. We get it all wrong. I thought I was the only one but when I got out there and asked for help, there was other people in the same boat - I couldn't believe it! There was other people hurtn' - couldn't believe it! One of the best ways I found to get me out of it - one of the best ways - was to help somebody else. If I help somebody else, that gets me outa' meself - so full of self pity; so full of resentment, and anger; so full of - you know - poor me. The more I give the more I get, you know, I go to the jail every week. I'm at the jail every week - I've been going to the jail for years, and there for the the grace of God go I. I'm no saint but I just go in because if I can go out of myself and see that there's other people going through hell, it gets me out of me and outa' the poor me, and all me little pity parties, it makes me grateful.
When I'm grateful, I have energy. If I'm not grateful, I'm shity and cranky and no energy, no motivation, no enthusiasm. So have that attitude of gratitude. If I'm grateful, I have energy, if I'm ungrateful - no energy. There's always someone worse off then you. I was in hospital yesterday meeting a mate of mine - he's 53, two young boys and bowel cancer, he hasn't got the results back, the blood tests, ya know? We've only all got today so just enjoy today, just now. Yet here we are living in the future regretting the past. Or, living the the past, scared of the future and all we have is now! Just live in the now. And it's very difficult to live in the now, it's not easy. So if you're going through hell, keep going. It will pass.
Have you got regrets?I regret...I probably wasn't a better father, but then, now, I look at it, I have grown up kids and they all love me and they tell me they love me, so you know I - oh boy - I wasn't a bad father. I worked too much, I put too much into the business, but it gave the kids a wonderful life - I've taken them to Disneyworld, Disneyland, to Europe and to Asia and Fiji and then Cook Island, New Zealand - yeah - I've been to many, many countries with my kids but it just (as good) to meet them up and down the paddock - they're just as happy with mum and dad, they love all that stuff but they just wanna be with mum and dad. Regrets, do I have regrets? I've lost me temper sometimes, immensely - ah - I hate losing me temper, so that's a regret. I've shattered some people with me eyes poppin out of me head and veins sticking outa' me neck and ah, scared the hell out of people when I've lost it, and over what? How important was it? Hasn't been important at all but I've decided to bloody lose it all together, so am, I regret losing my temper.
How do I deal with that? I try to be a better person today - try to be a better father, I'm a good grandfather, you know? I stir them up and I love them heaps and - oh - I can hand them back after I've stirred them up, it annoys my daughters.
How do I handle those regrets? It's past, it's history, yes, it's history. I can't do a thing about yesterday, it's gone forever, beyond me control. Can't do a bloody thing about it, you know, it's history, tomorrow's a mystery and the sun will rise either way - with sunshine or behind a mask of clouds but until it does, I've no stake in tomorrow what so ever, so that only leaves me today. Anyone can get through the battles of one day, it's just when you join them - yesterday and tomorrow together - that's when you go mad. I know, I've been there. Live every day as if it's your last, one day you're gonna be right. I have to let go. For me, I pray. I believe very much in the power of prayer. You know, I think God can forgive me, so I've gotta learn to forgive myself. Learn to say sorry and just get on with it and try to be a better person for today with no remorse and guilt and no regret and no resentments and probably no anger. So try to be a better person today. Be at peace with meself.
How do you recognise the positive in people and ignore the negative things they have done?Well, it does me no good to think it the other way: Tom, yar' being Pollyanna! No, thinking positive thoughts gives me a positive life; I think negative thoughts, I get negativity in me life. So I tried to stay positive.
I've never, ever learnt the alphabet. My grandson came home - he was at parent interview last night and he came to tea at our place and he just heard - he just heard, that I don't know the alphabet, and he was so excited and he is very, very dyslexic, and he was so excited that I didn't know the alphabet. Oh yes, I had such a chip on me shoulder I was lopsided. I had a fear of people, a massive fear of the unknown. Probably - fear of places and things, because of my learning difficulties, I always had to cover it with anger; I was scared they were going to find out I didn't know the alphabet and ah, it's embarrassing when your seven year old grandson finds out you don't know the alphabet. So I always covered it with - probably - with a facade that...don't get too close to me.
I don't go judging anybody. I see them as a human being, as a person and I don't go seeing them as an ego maniac or a pain in the ass, seeing them as a criminal, you know? Who am I? Who am I to judge anybody.
I learnt some from my dad. I learnt a lot when my wife left. When my wife left I started working on meself and I did a course on self awareness, basic communication with Lifeline and I did a counseling course with Lifeline - never went on the phones, but I did it to get life skills, I needed life skills.
Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I think: he's a pain in the ass, or boy his full of himself. I pull myself up - restart - restart. Who am I to judge anyone? Sometimes I forget, I forget, and I'm judging; that's crazy, that's insanity to judge. I often have to pray to remind myself. It's not automatic. Sometimes, I notice the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up so I'm a little bit scratchy. Now, I'm scratchy. You pick it up - restart - restart. So you gotta have that awareness of yourself: why am I scratchy?
Take a risk, smile, and it is a risk for some of us, but you gotta leave yourself open. I have to learn to like myself. I had to do a talk with 300 students at Deakin University - me son's university. And telling them I changed my name when I was 20 from Tool to O'Toole cause I got sick of being called dickhead. I changed because I didn't like myself. I got involved with Lifeline because I didn't like myself. They told me: Tom, you gotta look in the mirror telling yourself: I like myself, I like myself. It's bloody hard work, but that's what I had to do. Once I learned to love myself and like myself then I could be happy in me skin. When I'm happy in me skin then that radiates out there. I don't know, I'm as thick as bricks, but it's worked for me.
What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?Probably learning to tell me mum I loved her, how about that. I used to clash with my mum because she was much like me, real bushy. I learnt to tell my mum I loved her and I had 20 wonderful years with my mum and she died three years ago and I was with her when she died and it was wonderful.
Probably learning to love meself, learning to love somebody else. Learning to be happy in me skin. I had to learn to love myself before I could love my mum, before I could love my wife, before I could love my kids. Greatest achievement? being at peace with myself and raring to go and that is probably one of my greatest achievements, learning that I only got today and to be happy about it. You know, it aint that serious, you know? Enjoy it!
My business is very successful, I can talk about great achievement, me business runs without me. The business gives me today, all the freedom so I've had some great achievements. I have five grandkids that love seeing me, four kids that tell me that they love me, and that's magic.
Too Late? Hogwash!
If regret is the bane of life then hindsight is the magnifying glass that enlarges every woulda, coulda, shoulda.
As imperfect humans, we make some choices we look back upon regretfully, but we grow from those mistakes and that is consoling; unlike the regret that that comes from our abandoned dreams, which in contrast, can be consuming. Unfortunately, we live in an era that measures ambition against age – apparently, we should have an education, peek and make our mark in this world by 40, and those of us who go against this social grain are considered both time and resource wasters or inspirational.
Like any worthwhile topic, there are conflicting opinions. Some over 40’s, flash the words ‘too late’ around like a pension card, as if it entitles them to 15% off their yet-to-be-achieved goals in life. Others become motivated by the realisation that they don’t have forever and must get a move on if they are to leave a footprint. Either way, it’s about contentment; avoiding unnecessary regrets; it’s about defying the stigma of age and freeing our ambitions from its shackles.
The exciting part is, when we acknowledge and embrace the reality that the second half of life offers as many opportunities for success and achievement as the first half, we’re in good company: Benjamin Franklin, started his career in science in his 40’s; Colonel Sanders, founded KFC in his 60’s; Julia Child, learnt to cook in her late 30’s; and Grandma Moses, started painting at age 75.
So before the words ‘too late’ escapes from anyone’s lips, consider the achievements of fellow late bloomers and the repercussions of the premature abandonment of dreams. And importantly, before you’re tempted to say it again, analyse the meaning of this dreaded drive killer and expose it for what it actually is: hogwash!
As imperfect humans, we make some choices we look back upon regretfully, but we grow from those mistakes and that is consoling; unlike the regret that that comes from our abandoned dreams, which in contrast, can be consuming. Unfortunately, we live in an era that measures ambition against age – apparently, we should have an education, peek and make our mark in this world by 40, and those of us who go against this social grain are considered both time and resource wasters or inspirational.
Like any worthwhile topic, there are conflicting opinions. Some over 40’s, flash the words ‘too late’ around like a pension card, as if it entitles them to 15% off their yet-to-be-achieved goals in life. Others become motivated by the realisation that they don’t have forever and must get a move on if they are to leave a footprint. Either way, it’s about contentment; avoiding unnecessary regrets; it’s about defying the stigma of age and freeing our ambitions from its shackles.
The exciting part is, when we acknowledge and embrace the reality that the second half of life offers as many opportunities for success and achievement as the first half, we’re in good company: Benjamin Franklin, started his career in science in his 40’s; Colonel Sanders, founded KFC in his 60’s; Julia Child, learnt to cook in her late 30’s; and Grandma Moses, started painting at age 75.
So before the words ‘too late’ escapes from anyone’s lips, consider the achievements of fellow late bloomers and the repercussions of the premature abandonment of dreams. And importantly, before you’re tempted to say it again, analyse the meaning of this dreaded drive killer and expose it for what it actually is: hogwash!
Magic Beads
Taking the walk up Flinders towards Queen at 8am weekdays is both intimate and distracting.
The first few blocks contain quiet cafes and few fellow pedestrians. The busy adjacent road generates an orchestra of car noises – a symphony for the highly strung.
As a pose to waterfalls and nature sounds, I find serenity in a turbulent, alternative rhythm – yes, traffic to me has a rhythm: a soothing combination of ‘expected’ engine noises and ‘unexpected’ horn and brake sounds. It is the ideal background music for what I like to call ‘self to environment’ meditation: a technique I use to remind me that the world is not always tranquil, and therefore I must be able to live in it.
And live in it I manage, but only with the aide of a divine object I keep in my left jacket pocket. An object with mysterious strength that merely holding it transfers into me: my rosary beads. Although I have been catholic my entire life, it has been in the last seven weeks – while my 21 year marriage was falling to pieces – that I have realised the complete power of the extraordinary beads. They have helped me through difficult times.
Naturally, the end of a long union opens floodgates of feelings; sometimes experienced separately but sometimes – overwhelmingly – experienced all-at-once. It’s difficult to explain the process and I’m sure it is different for everyone, but for me, I can loosely compare it with my daily walk up Queen.
Everyday, I quietly say the rosary as I walk, but sometimes I am distracted by what’s happening around me and I lose my place. Similarly, coming to terms with my predicament has meant sourcing and accepting amazing help. But sometimes I am distracted by outside influences – like unhealthy advice or my own over thinking, and lose my place.
But worse then that, like the corner of Flinders and Elizabeth at 8:05am, when a crowd of people cross the road and head directly towards us walking straight ahead; the commotion causes momentary kaos that is quick and confusing and requires pedestrians to weave through and around each other in a stop, start, quick, slow action, in order to get through unscathed. Similarly, my grieving includes these moments too, when everything becomes sporadically unclear. Reminiscing is stop, start, quick, slow, and the fear of being permanently damaged in an emotional stampede seems very real.
But just as quickly, the street is clear again and I refocus on my amazing support. But the distractions are yet to cease, and I’m still losing my place.
Fortunately, I have my rosary beads and amazing family and friends around me. The mere feel of the crucifix generates a feeling of security; the type also experienced in the arms of a capable, supportive friend. My rosary beads have granted me wishes too – signs I’ve asked for and practical things I’ve needed. And most importantly, I’ve received the energy to keep walking.
Eventually I do stop. I arrive at my workplace. I reflect on my walk and the impact it has had on my physical and mental well being, and then I look forward. I say to myself as convincingly as I am able: Yes, I am vulnerable, but in the words of Theodore Tilton: ‘even this will pass away’ and I’m strong enough, to embrace today.
The first few blocks contain quiet cafes and few fellow pedestrians. The busy adjacent road generates an orchestra of car noises – a symphony for the highly strung.
As a pose to waterfalls and nature sounds, I find serenity in a turbulent, alternative rhythm – yes, traffic to me has a rhythm: a soothing combination of ‘expected’ engine noises and ‘unexpected’ horn and brake sounds. It is the ideal background music for what I like to call ‘self to environment’ meditation: a technique I use to remind me that the world is not always tranquil, and therefore I must be able to live in it.
And live in it I manage, but only with the aide of a divine object I keep in my left jacket pocket. An object with mysterious strength that merely holding it transfers into me: my rosary beads. Although I have been catholic my entire life, it has been in the last seven weeks – while my 21 year marriage was falling to pieces – that I have realised the complete power of the extraordinary beads. They have helped me through difficult times.
Naturally, the end of a long union opens floodgates of feelings; sometimes experienced separately but sometimes – overwhelmingly – experienced all-at-once. It’s difficult to explain the process and I’m sure it is different for everyone, but for me, I can loosely compare it with my daily walk up Queen.
Everyday, I quietly say the rosary as I walk, but sometimes I am distracted by what’s happening around me and I lose my place. Similarly, coming to terms with my predicament has meant sourcing and accepting amazing help. But sometimes I am distracted by outside influences – like unhealthy advice or my own over thinking, and lose my place.
But worse then that, like the corner of Flinders and Elizabeth at 8:05am, when a crowd of people cross the road and head directly towards us walking straight ahead; the commotion causes momentary kaos that is quick and confusing and requires pedestrians to weave through and around each other in a stop, start, quick, slow action, in order to get through unscathed. Similarly, my grieving includes these moments too, when everything becomes sporadically unclear. Reminiscing is stop, start, quick, slow, and the fear of being permanently damaged in an emotional stampede seems very real.
But just as quickly, the street is clear again and I refocus on my amazing support. But the distractions are yet to cease, and I’m still losing my place.
Fortunately, I have my rosary beads and amazing family and friends around me. The mere feel of the crucifix generates a feeling of security; the type also experienced in the arms of a capable, supportive friend. My rosary beads have granted me wishes too – signs I’ve asked for and practical things I’ve needed. And most importantly, I’ve received the energy to keep walking.
Eventually I do stop. I arrive at my workplace. I reflect on my walk and the impact it has had on my physical and mental well being, and then I look forward. I say to myself as convincingly as I am able: Yes, I am vulnerable, but in the words of Theodore Tilton: ‘even this will pass away’ and I’m strong enough, to embrace today.
Monologue of Wishes
To find an extra hour in my day would be glorious. No, it would be sensational, euphoric, relaxing.
With one hour I could take a luxurious bath, unleash the water and watch it, like an intimate waterfall, fill my bathtub. Then, I would step in, and melt away my troubles.
“One hour, where are you? Where are you hiding?”
With sixty precious minutes, I would savor every piece of my avocado and chicken focaccia – I’d chew each bite at least 10 times and in between, I would empathise with Harry – the IT guy – in the staffroom, whose 12 year old Maltese Terrier, is as sick as a dog.
I would offer advice to the young girl from reception.
“Dump him, he’s a player. Are you blind?”
I’d go for a brisk walk to work off the calories.
With 3600 essential seconds, I could enroll in a course – belly dancing. Yes. I’ve always wanted to learn belly dancing. Wednesday, hump day, would be my dance day. I would learn to sway my hips like the waves in the ocean. I would smile sensuously and pretend I was dancing for my soul mate.
“My hips, they swing for you, just as my heart beats for you, my darling”.
With 60,000 milliseconds, I could wash my hair three times a week; paint my nails a new colour every day. I could have a facial every morning and a foot spa every night. I could wax my eyebrows the moment the unwanted hair appears. I could exfoliate every inch of me until my skin was so supple, it would be as soft as ripe summer fruit.
One measly hour would change everything, would repair everything, and would be everything.
Well, I suppose I should get out of bed, it’s nearly 10 O’clock.
With one hour I could take a luxurious bath, unleash the water and watch it, like an intimate waterfall, fill my bathtub. Then, I would step in, and melt away my troubles.
“One hour, where are you? Where are you hiding?”
With sixty precious minutes, I would savor every piece of my avocado and chicken focaccia – I’d chew each bite at least 10 times and in between, I would empathise with Harry – the IT guy – in the staffroom, whose 12 year old Maltese Terrier, is as sick as a dog.
I would offer advice to the young girl from reception.
“Dump him, he’s a player. Are you blind?”
I’d go for a brisk walk to work off the calories.
With 3600 essential seconds, I could enroll in a course – belly dancing. Yes. I’ve always wanted to learn belly dancing. Wednesday, hump day, would be my dance day. I would learn to sway my hips like the waves in the ocean. I would smile sensuously and pretend I was dancing for my soul mate.
“My hips, they swing for you, just as my heart beats for you, my darling”.
With 60,000 milliseconds, I could wash my hair three times a week; paint my nails a new colour every day. I could have a facial every morning and a foot spa every night. I could wax my eyebrows the moment the unwanted hair appears. I could exfoliate every inch of me until my skin was so supple, it would be as soft as ripe summer fruit.
One measly hour would change everything, would repair everything, and would be everything.
Well, I suppose I should get out of bed, it’s nearly 10 O’clock.
Dynamic and Practical Psychology
Procrastinating - it's the idea that we have that we don't follow through on; we think about it, debate how to approach it, have all kinds of feelings about it and find lots of reasons not to do it...yet.
is procrastination about willpower or motivation? It can be; our motivation comes from many different sources such as emotion and thought. The only cure for procrastination is getting yourself into action mode. Stop thinking, stop debating and just sit down (or stand up, depending on the task!) and JUST DO IT.
I often tell my clients about things I learned when coaching athletes in sports psychology. One thing I learned from swimmers is that when they have to wake up at 4 am to jump in the pool, they don't stop and ask themselves "hey, how do I feel about this? Do I really want to do this?" The minute you ask yourself questions like that, it's all over and the sleep button goes on the alarm clock. They just roll straight out of bed and into their swim gear. They just do it.
The just do it method works for everything if you stop finding reasons to do other things and JUST DO the thing that you need to do. And it's usually easier than all the mental contortions you have been doing in order to avoid what you thought you didn't want to do yet.
So what do you need to JUST DO? I just did mine.
Following through with Food Cravings and Overeating Patterns - Many people are feeling a bit unhappy with their eating patterns at this time of year. During Christmas and holiday periods, lots of people feel as though they can eat and drink whatever they like and then feel upset later when they see (or feel) the consequences of their holiday indulgence.
If you are at a point where you want to make a change to your eating or drinking habits, you might want to consider to main questions:
1. What are my habitual patterns (ones I don't really think about, I just do it)
2. What urges or cravings am I currently experiencing
A successful change program will address both your habits and your cravings. To change the habit component, decide what you will eat and drink across each day. Ensure that this amount is compatible with the outcome you would like to have happen. Look at portion size, quantity of protein, carbohydrate and fat and make sure you have smaller portions on a very regular basis. Make sure you are eating enough, as undereating may affect your metabolism in a way that impacts on your energy and general health.
You need to decide that you will focus on consuming only what is on your plan and not indulge any "sooky" thoughts that might come up about wanting or needing more.
If you have cravings, you need to establish a method of "urge reduction". This means that you can notice and acknowledge the craving, but decide not to act on it. You can use strong positive language with yourself "I don't need that, it won't make me feel better and I have already eaten what I need" or you could use distraction, which means walking away and finding something else to focus on. If the thought comes up again, remind yourself "no, I don't need that" and move onn to another thought.
Tell yourself that you CAN make whatever change you choose to focus on and that after a few weeks, a change becomes a new habit. Beware of excuses for not doing what you decide to do; humans are very capable of self-deception. No excuses, just move towards the behaviours that you want to lock in and feel very good about what you are able to achieve.
A key part of long-term success is reminding yourself of your progress and stating that you will continue this into the future.
Sleep Problems, Fatigue and the Big Screen - If you are feeling a bit drained and not sleeping too well, think about the big screen effect.
Our sleep/wake cycle operates via melatonin release, which is triggered by light and dark. We need darkness kicking in around the time the sun goes down for optimal melatonin release and this is interrupted by the use of big screen TVs and laptop devices. Many people jump on Facebook or other sites to unwind later at night and then find they have trouble activating the sleep switch in their own brain once they go to bed. This can also lead to sleep that is unrefreshing which makes for a long day feeling exhausted.
Take away the bright screens earlier and try using a handheld device with less brightness. Consider asking your health practitioner to check your melatonin levels as some people benefit from supplementation. Morning sunlight and exercise will help boost night time melatonin production too. Remember - night time is for darkness, save the bright lights for the daylight hours.
The Brain Chemistry involved in Mood - If you are feeling a bit worn out and waiting for holidays, it's a great time to assess your neuro chemistry and work out how to boost your mood a little. Do you need to rev up your acceleration chemicals by putting some excitement into the system? Or do you need to strengthen your brakes and increase your ability to relax and let go?
Mood is generally a combination of how much energy you have (more generally means better moods) and tension (less is best for moods). You can increase energy by eating correct nutrition (combination of lean protein like fish, meat, chicken, tofu etc with lots of low GI vegetables such as brocolli, tomato, beans, etc). Exercise helps boost mood and so does the correct amount of sleep.
To boost acceleration chemicals such as dopamine and noradrenalin, make sure you have regular challenges that are exciting and motivating. Challenges can be physical, emotional, musical, intellectual or anything else you can think of.
To boost relaxation chemicals such as serotonin, go for walks, get sunshine, meditate, get a massage, read something you enjoy and watch movies that have happy endings.
To boost all elements of positive brain chemistry, set regular challenges for yourself, write them down, discuss them with others and implement a plan to achieve them. If you need help, psychologists can assist you to design a strategy that works over the long term. I find that most of my clients forget about the basics of mood chemistry when they are tired and/ot stressed and sometimes need reminding just how much difference it makes when you are fed well, rested and feeling pappropriately challenged in different parts of your life. But not too challenged; it's a fine line between challenge and overwhelm!
If you are a bit low on fuel, start with the important health factors and continue to examine how you are getting a sense of progress in different parts of life.
is procrastination about willpower or motivation? It can be; our motivation comes from many different sources such as emotion and thought. The only cure for procrastination is getting yourself into action mode. Stop thinking, stop debating and just sit down (or stand up, depending on the task!) and JUST DO IT.
I often tell my clients about things I learned when coaching athletes in sports psychology. One thing I learned from swimmers is that when they have to wake up at 4 am to jump in the pool, they don't stop and ask themselves "hey, how do I feel about this? Do I really want to do this?" The minute you ask yourself questions like that, it's all over and the sleep button goes on the alarm clock. They just roll straight out of bed and into their swim gear. They just do it.
The just do it method works for everything if you stop finding reasons to do other things and JUST DO the thing that you need to do. And it's usually easier than all the mental contortions you have been doing in order to avoid what you thought you didn't want to do yet.
So what do you need to JUST DO? I just did mine.
Following through with Food Cravings and Overeating Patterns - Many people are feeling a bit unhappy with their eating patterns at this time of year. During Christmas and holiday periods, lots of people feel as though they can eat and drink whatever they like and then feel upset later when they see (or feel) the consequences of their holiday indulgence.
If you are at a point where you want to make a change to your eating or drinking habits, you might want to consider to main questions:
1. What are my habitual patterns (ones I don't really think about, I just do it)
2. What urges or cravings am I currently experiencing
A successful change program will address both your habits and your cravings. To change the habit component, decide what you will eat and drink across each day. Ensure that this amount is compatible with the outcome you would like to have happen. Look at portion size, quantity of protein, carbohydrate and fat and make sure you have smaller portions on a very regular basis. Make sure you are eating enough, as undereating may affect your metabolism in a way that impacts on your energy and general health.
You need to decide that you will focus on consuming only what is on your plan and not indulge any "sooky" thoughts that might come up about wanting or needing more.
If you have cravings, you need to establish a method of "urge reduction". This means that you can notice and acknowledge the craving, but decide not to act on it. You can use strong positive language with yourself "I don't need that, it won't make me feel better and I have already eaten what I need" or you could use distraction, which means walking away and finding something else to focus on. If the thought comes up again, remind yourself "no, I don't need that" and move onn to another thought.
Tell yourself that you CAN make whatever change you choose to focus on and that after a few weeks, a change becomes a new habit. Beware of excuses for not doing what you decide to do; humans are very capable of self-deception. No excuses, just move towards the behaviours that you want to lock in and feel very good about what you are able to achieve.
A key part of long-term success is reminding yourself of your progress and stating that you will continue this into the future.
Sleep Problems, Fatigue and the Big Screen - If you are feeling a bit drained and not sleeping too well, think about the big screen effect.
Our sleep/wake cycle operates via melatonin release, which is triggered by light and dark. We need darkness kicking in around the time the sun goes down for optimal melatonin release and this is interrupted by the use of big screen TVs and laptop devices. Many people jump on Facebook or other sites to unwind later at night and then find they have trouble activating the sleep switch in their own brain once they go to bed. This can also lead to sleep that is unrefreshing which makes for a long day feeling exhausted.
Take away the bright screens earlier and try using a handheld device with less brightness. Consider asking your health practitioner to check your melatonin levels as some people benefit from supplementation. Morning sunlight and exercise will help boost night time melatonin production too. Remember - night time is for darkness, save the bright lights for the daylight hours.
The Brain Chemistry involved in Mood - If you are feeling a bit worn out and waiting for holidays, it's a great time to assess your neuro chemistry and work out how to boost your mood a little. Do you need to rev up your acceleration chemicals by putting some excitement into the system? Or do you need to strengthen your brakes and increase your ability to relax and let go?
Mood is generally a combination of how much energy you have (more generally means better moods) and tension (less is best for moods). You can increase energy by eating correct nutrition (combination of lean protein like fish, meat, chicken, tofu etc with lots of low GI vegetables such as brocolli, tomato, beans, etc). Exercise helps boost mood and so does the correct amount of sleep.
To boost acceleration chemicals such as dopamine and noradrenalin, make sure you have regular challenges that are exciting and motivating. Challenges can be physical, emotional, musical, intellectual or anything else you can think of.
To boost relaxation chemicals such as serotonin, go for walks, get sunshine, meditate, get a massage, read something you enjoy and watch movies that have happy endings.
To boost all elements of positive brain chemistry, set regular challenges for yourself, write them down, discuss them with others and implement a plan to achieve them. If you need help, psychologists can assist you to design a strategy that works over the long term. I find that most of my clients forget about the basics of mood chemistry when they are tired and/ot stressed and sometimes need reminding just how much difference it makes when you are fed well, rested and feeling pappropriately challenged in different parts of your life. But not too challenged; it's a fine line between challenge and overwhelm!
If you are a bit low on fuel, start with the important health factors and continue to examine how you are getting a sense of progress in different parts of life.
From the Editor
Hello one and all,
Incredibly, we're one! How time flies.
In the past year, I've had great experiences sourcing and listening to stories that have made me cry, laugh, grow and have been proud to showcase.
We have been graced with 36 extraordinary contributors, and amazingly - to date - have received over 7000 unique visitors!
You may have noticed that many of our contributors support or have founded a charity they dedicate time too. So to celebrate our first birthday, consider attending our charity ball - an enchanted evening - to raise money for three of our contributor's charities: Whitelion Mentoring; Touched
by Olivia; and the Augustianian Sister's Orphanage. It will be a wonderful celebration of courage and achievements, and other Purple Hero qualities - visit:
http://purpleheroes.weebly.com/enchanted-evening.html for more information. Tickets selling now.
Enjoy this edition and let these incredible people motivate you to be postive and strong.
"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses" - Alphonse Karr
Thanks for coming
Louise Crossley
Incredibly, we're one! How time flies.
In the past year, I've had great experiences sourcing and listening to stories that have made me cry, laugh, grow and have been proud to showcase.
We have been graced with 36 extraordinary contributors, and amazingly - to date - have received over 7000 unique visitors!
You may have noticed that many of our contributors support or have founded a charity they dedicate time too. So to celebrate our first birthday, consider attending our charity ball - an enchanted evening - to raise money for three of our contributor's charities: Whitelion Mentoring; Touched
by Olivia; and the Augustianian Sister's Orphanage. It will be a wonderful celebration of courage and achievements, and other Purple Hero qualities - visit:
http://purpleheroes.weebly.com/enchanted-evening.html for more information. Tickets selling now.
Enjoy this edition and let these incredible people motivate you to be postive and strong.
"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses" - Alphonse Karr
Thanks for coming
Louise Crossley